"I do believe it is possible to create, even without ever writing a word or painting a picture, by simply molding one's inner life. And that too is a deed."... Etty Hillesum
Acceptance of the status quo is a kind of zombie walk through life, where you just act upon whatever facts are presented to you. Everyone has an agenda and buying into everyone else's without even knowing what your own is, means you are forever doomed to failure. So many of us have no clue about what we really think or believe. I know because I was once like that in the extreme.
Nowadays, I know more about myself than I often want to, but good or bad at least I have a clue. I have strong opinions about things that affect my soul. Many brutal lessons have taught me to give special honor to the voice that screams when I get too close to the edge of losing self, but I refuse to sweat the small shit.
Ask me where I want to go and I will most often not have a real opinion on that. I am satisfied inside my three feet of personal space. If I am secure linking it to another persons, where I rest at any given time really matters not all that much. I never get bored when I am alone, either. I am excellent company for myself and an undemanding guest inside of the space others invite me into.
Long ago, I erased the graffiti other people had written inside of me. Back then I was not ever at ease. It is truly impossible to find peace when the people you love demand you be a certain pattern to please them and change its style every time you get close to achieving their goal. Shadow boxing is a pain in the ass when the shadow is you and your punches are directed by others. Creation comes from the inside out. The sky is the limit, when you paint your own masterpiece, using colors you create on a canvas that belongs to you alone.
There comes a time when you admit that the flaws are a part of the picture. There comes a point where you learn to like yourself enough to say to the people viewing what you have become... "Take it or leave it, but do not paint your own design over mine." Try creating your own picture. Life is not a paint by numbers experience. Coloring in someone else's book does not make it your creation.
I received the following as an email. Sharing its message here is my delight. Enjoy and pass it on. Pay it forward, folks.
The Daffodil Principle
Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead.
"I will come next Tuesday," I promised a little reluctantly on herthird call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grand children.
"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"
My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother."
"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.
"I was hoping you'd take me over to the garage to pick up my car."
"How far will we have to drive?"
"Oh...just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "But I'll drive. I'm used to this."
After several minutes, I had to ask, "Where are we going? This isn't the way to the garage!"
"We're going to my garage the long way," Carolyn smiled, "by wayof the daffodils."
"Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around."
"It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience." After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the Church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, "Daffodil Garden."
We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and it's surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn.
"Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking" was the headline.
The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read.
Thesecond answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain."
The third answer was, "Began in 1958."
For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.
The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.
When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.
"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"
My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual directway. "Start today," she said. She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"
Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting;
Until your car or home is paid off;
Until you get a new car or home;
Until your kids leave the house;
Until you go back to school;
Until you finish school;
Until you clean the house;
Until you organize the garage;
Until you clean off your desk;
Until you lose 10 lbs;
Until you gain 10 lbs;
Until you get married;
Until you get a divorce;
Until you have kids;
Until the kids go to school;
Until you retire;
Until summer;
Until spring;
Until winter;
Until fall;
Until you die...There is no better time than right now to be happy.THINK ABOUT IT ... LET IT RIDE ... THEN DECIDE ... BUT BEFORE YOU GO CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW AND FINISH THIS MOMENT WITH A WONDERFUL MESSAGE SET TO A SNAPPY TUNE.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=JHKQECOX8PI
Inner peace and the journey taken to get there make us who we are today.
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Brenda