DANCING WITHOUT MUSIC

TODAY'S QUOTE:

"He that lives in hope danceth without music." - George Herbert

 

Hope is music to our soul. It has depth and tempo powerful enough to levitate us above any issue. It can keep our feet marching, even through the most brutal terrain. But tuning in isn't automatic. And finding the right rhythm can't be left to chance. Any exercise used to gain, (or regain) a balanced outlook requires just the right hopeful melody. A soft wistful tune is often all we have to build on. But build on it we must, or defeat is certain. 

 

Without hope we become listless and overwhelmed by even the slightest irritations. Life can be  irritating in the extreme, but it's also a precious one of a kind treasure. Hope insulates us when things are less than perfect. And face it folks... less than perfect is how everything is.

Hope smooths the bumpy patches. It gives breath to the winded. It straightens crooked backs and winding thoughts. It's all we have sometimes, but it's always enough to make things better. It spans across even the widest of chasms if we allow it to lift us up. It's a wish with possibilities. It's an optimists best defense against developing pessimism. It's a flu shot for the soul.

Reality must be faced of course. Hope alone won't alter fact, and without-a-wand wishes won't be automatically granted. What is imagined has to be possible. We may have the deepest desire for a change in someone else, but we haven't a chance in hell of that changing anything.

I always hope today for a better tomorrow. I view hardship as a challenge and sorrow as a lesson that I must master before I can move on. Opportunities are not all dressed in party clothes, some are ragged and tattered. When I feel naked and exposed, I simply wrap myself with hope and dance forward at whatever pace is possible. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!

A SIMPLE FORMULA

TODAY'S QUOTE:

"Learn from the past, Hope for the future, Live in the present." - Ken Lancaster

 

This is such a simple, well-phrased formula for true happiness and soul silence. Each portion flows... one into the next... ready or not... duck and cover, or stand and fight for your life. Understanding the true nature of the beast levels the playing field.

 

The past is the school everyone attends. From first breath to last, attendance is mandatory. Wisdom is the reward that allows forward progress, but graduation isn't ever an option. As long as there are tomorrows, yesterdays will certainly follow. But beware... lessons not learned will be retested... and retested... and retested when least expected. Count on that!

 

The best way to face a school of such lofty magnitude is to make the cost worth the reward. Suck it dry of all it can give then turn the page and go on. Remember that each cloud has a silver lining... every thorn its rose attached. Better to find the beauty than let the ugly have control.

 

The future is a spring of eternal possibilities that never dries up, unless we do. We can drink from it or drown in it. We can gaze at it in awe or turn our heads and ignore its bright beckoning glow. It can be our best friend or worst enemy. We choose whatever role it plays.

 

Choice goes so much deeper than most of us ever realize. The future is forward. The past is behind. We can step ahead or doom ourselves to walking backward... how we travel is of our own personal design. But travel we must.

 

The present is where the two join in a constant crossroads, choices made there are colored by the past and alter the shade of the future.
When the mistakes and successes of the past teach us nothing we end up continuing on a path that goes around in tight circles.

 

Without hope for a future that outshines the past we are doomed to travel in constant shadow. Enlightenment illuminates wrong turns and dead ends. Know your shortcomings. Understand the why... make note of the when... take possession of the blame. Knowing how you arrived at an unpleasant destination will help you to avoid future visits.

 

Consider on a deeper level the choices that you make. Letting them mean less than they ought to is such a terrible waste of your precious time. We never get it right every time. That's the nature of the beast. But if there's never any method to your madness it leaves a lunatic in charge of the asylum. And how crazy is that? Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!

HALF-WAY HAVING

TODAY'S QUOTE:
I don't know why we hang onto something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't really have. Some of us say we'd rather have something then nothing at all, but the truth is... to have something half-way is harder then not having it at all. --- Author Unknown

I think for the sake of this post I'll simply assume that the something mentioned in this quote means someone. The half-holding of objects only brings up images of things broken, or backs strained. Replacing objects with humans puts a different spin on it. Sadly it's one most of us can relate to on some level.

I'm not formerly schooled in psychology. I don't have a wall hung with degrees. No student loans... no happy day to remember with cap and gown... every single thing I know came from brutal lessons. I understand the value of holding on, and of letting go. There has never been a time where things were storybook simple. A hard life is all the education I have.

We begin believing in fairytales as children. Happily ever after is planted in our heads early on. Patterns of expectations are laid out like bricks that should form a solid foundation to build upon. Depending on that is our first mistake. I looked up fairytale in my wordweb and almost spit coffee everywhere at the synonym given of cock-and-bull story. There's the sign!!!

We swallow that concept then spend a lifetime choking on reality. We hunger to believe that other people are always who they should be or who they pretend to be. When the shit hits the fan, it must be our fault. Try harder... dance faster... hold on, you'll make it work somehow. Every relationship has its own unique set of pitfalls. One may create an issue, but it always takes two to fix whatever gets broken.

Half-way having is when the level of commitment isn't equal. Half-way is when one person has a vision of how things are, but the other doesn't share the vision. Sometimes the whole concept is flawed because it's built on lies and secrets on one side and rose colored glasses on the other. Whatever the reasons behind the imbalance it always causes pain and disillusionment.

I've learned that it's saner in life to put at least as much energy into a firm and balanced relationship with self as we invest in others. If all is given away... when things fall apart, or people disappoint us then there's nothing solid to fall back on. The only true peace and happiness comes from internal forces we gather on our own. Looking for someone else to fill all the empty spaces is an invitation to agony. Fill yourself first then where you stand will be enough, no matter who stands with you. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!! 

   

  

THE KARMA DOCTRINE

TODAY'S QUOTE:
When a good deed is done, we receive good karma too. Karma comes in any ways. It may not come today but it WILL someday. Karma is the doctrine of inevitable consequences. No way mankind can escape it. Think twice or hell, maybe thrice of our actions (particularly the not good ones) because we reap just what we sow. -Sweet Pumpkin

I don't have a clue who the Sweet Pumpkin is, but I agree with every word. Doctrine means SCHOOL OF THOUGHT, and people should study there until they get a degree in true understanding. But most of us don't. It's a blessing that at any age we can revisit and gain knowledge. That doesn't save us from past dues we haven't yet paid, but it can keep us from total bankruptcy.

Nowadays when I get a solid pinch from anything truly painful to my soul, I look at my past behavior for a clue of why. I always find a clear reason why I needed a pinch or deserve an ache. Understanding helps make sense of the pain and the lesson learned is always valuable to my peace of  mind.

I don't whine about how I'm blameless now. I say... ohhhhhhhhhh I see... I get it... I won't make that mistake again. Wisdom isn't gained at no cost, it's earned by taking the lumps you deserve, to learn the lessons you must. "Getting it"... is a victory. Hurts like hell sometimes, but that's life.

My hope every day is to learn something about myself I didn't know the day before. I pattern my actions now in a way that includes enough forethought to limit my bad karma. I try to avoid hurting others, and when they hurt me I look for the lesson. I don't attempt to retaliate... karma will sort it out quite well without my help.

We each learn at our own pace, but only if we study. I know there are some who'll never understand. I may feel sorrow for the one's who endlessly pay time-and-time again for the same mistakes, but force feeding enlightenment isn't an option. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and profit from the karma that earns me delight. In either case nowadays I gain ground. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!  

   

DON'T BE A PUSHOVER

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams. - Author Unknown

Trouble can push you face down or tumble you backasswards in an instant. There really is no defense against the pressure of being blindsided by tragedy. The best we can do... really is the best we can do during the tempests. Afterward it's pick up the pieces, rebuild, and carry on. Most of us find the strength once the shock gets out of our way. But issues that don't fall into that category shouldn't be treated as if they do.

Most problems we can see gathering strength before they hit us full force. We can find a solution and embrace it, or face a fact... however unpleasant. Any other options are really a waste of precious time and energy. The things we can change we should. The things we cannot alter will alter us until we become part of the problem... face facts... regroup... then move forward.

So what if, "IT IS WHAT IT IS" isn't something you bargained for? Not liking something won't make it vanish or rearrange it into a pattern that fits you in complete comfort. When I'm forced by life to wear an outfit that isn't flattering, I make sure I accessorize as close to perfection as possible.

I've come to understand that when everything else around me is fluid, my dream is a solid rock to stand upon. No matter what else happens, no matter who does what, as long as I stay centered I cannot be totally upended.  Everyone needs a dream they can depend on, that comes from the part of them that belongs only to them. Without that rope to grasp it's all too easy to be pushed headlong into deep water. If you've got one, use it and let go of the issue before you need a tissue. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!

    

THE TRUTH ABOUT AGE

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.".... Groucho Marx, 1890-1977, American Comedian

Aging takes no special talent, just hang out and it'll happen eventually. Agelessness is an art form, but simple aging is little more inspired than any other habit. Spirit age seems the real decider, because numbers upon paper say nothing about us worth hearing.

Be as young as you're able and no older than you must... that's my chosen plan of action, as well as very sound advice. Give to life only the price demanded and not even one wrinkle more. Trust me if you live long enough you'll have a fair share. Refuse to donate any face-space for wadding up when you can avoid it.

Remembering a few simple facts can cut down on the deep creases dug by any heartache. A broken heart mends much easier than a broken spirit. Chest wounds are inevitable, but a crushed soul only occurs if its master allows the pressure. Face facts. It is what it is. A wish will never change truth, no matter how pure its intention.

Make peace with reality. Know the difference between what is real and what is simply hoped for. When seen clearly it can be dealt with in the same fashion. The truth may cause a much deeper injury to the heart, but the soul will be safe. What is real from your point-of-view is your reality.

Each person sees from a different vantage point. Always place more trust in actions than in any words spoken. Deceitful facts can be easily hidden behind pretty lyrics we need to hear. Love may be unconditional, but trust needs proving. Never invest more faith in others than you spend upon yourself.

Life isn't always as it seems at first glance. What is visible to the masses often has little or nothing to do with our reality. Love isn't always as trouble free as it should be, or as equally balanced. Like the song say, "every point of refuge has its price.

And the price of paying too much is a face that shows the miles traveled in the lines traced there. Worry deposits more, yet gains nothing in return. Stress leaves its mark, as well. By taking a careful look at reality we can make decisions or adjustments that minimize the damage we suffer. Putting things into perspective creates better facial restoration than plastic surgery ever could. Keep your soul healthy and your face will age gracefully. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

OUR FATAL REACTION

TODAY'S QUOTE:
It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.... Hans Selye

The pressure we apply daily to our own nervous systems can be deadly. The fact that often it's totally unnecessary doesn't seem to slow us down much.  We can't move a mountain by vibrating at its base with the power of unhinged thoughts. We can't alter what is already crazy, by adding more insanity. But we try as if it's our destiny to fight fire with fire! What we end up with after enough pointless battles is ashes for brains.

We're not to blame for every misfortune, or responsible for every solution.  Why do we so often excuse others for faults or actions we would never allow in ourselves? We often place heavier burdens on our own backs than anyone else would ever dream of asking us to carry. There aren't any true rewards for back breaking or brain boiling our way through life. Doctor's bills and a pretty casket don't seem like much compensation to me.

We become our own worst enemy, without really trying. We make demands of ourselves that we would never dream of anyone else ever living up to. We get into the habit and then simply repeat over and over. If we stop being a slave to our reactions things do change. Breaking that cycle is so much easier than we realize.

Rethinking negative patterns and fashioning reaction that are a more comfortable fit just makes perfect sense. Stressing over most things is as useless as running in place in a marathon. We wear out long before getting even a few inches closer to a winning position. Energy expended is totally wasted, then when the real struggle begins we are simply too tired to do anything besides be its victim. Be easy on yourself over the small shit and the big shit won't stink nearly as much. And as always.... Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then YOU decide!!!!

EXERCISES IN COURAGE

TODAY'S QUOTE:"We learn to fly not by becoming fearless, but by the daily practice of courage."... Sam Keen

If flight is your dream, you must be willing to spread your wings and take a huge leap of faith into the unknown. Free falling takes balls. It demands more courage than most of us possess. Our only options are to give up here, or cultivate some... some how.... some way. When in doubt practice is a perfect place to start. With enough exercise most anything becomes doable. I'd much rather work hard on rising up than spend any energy holding myself down.

Some people spend their whole lives fighting primal urges for freedom of one sort or another. The rut they own holds less terror than the unknown. What if they fail? Oh yeah, but what if they don't? The trade off for settling on what is... is that you never, ever get to know what could have been. Bad or good it's gone. For me, that would be a bitter pill that I'd never fully swallow.

Soaring is within reach, yet all too few take the trouble to seek their true hearts desire. Reaching them is never certain, but it seems a crime to let that stop us from even trying. Fear is not our friend. Why do we so often make it our constant companion? Terror has dug more bottomless pits and buried more good people than I like to even imagine. I know this because I used to reside in one.

I finally got a clue and became more fearful of being satisfied with the status-quo than I was of leaping headlong into the unknown. I figured the rut wasn't going anywhere even if I did. That's the only good thing about a rut, it's there if you need it. Not needing it has been the journey of my lifetime. Whatever happens next, I'd do it all again.

Life is meant to be lived by taking upward steps, one after another toward first one goal... and then the next, so our golden years aren't a time of bitter regret. Any fear we face head-on will eventually evaporate to nothing.  Remember that and half the battle is won. We give it power by embracing it in the first place. The simple truth is fear has a hard time holding onto us after we let go of it.

Find the courage to take the first step... and the next one will be much less terrifying. Sure there are times when we trip up and land on our face, or slip and slide to a lower level, but the stairs remain stationary. No searching is ever necessary, remounting is all it takes. Don't simply stand there waiting for the escalator that doesn't exist... lift one foot then the next and climb on. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!

MENTAL STARCH

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Faith, to my mind, is a stiffening process, a sort of mental starch...
E. M. Forster

Two words define faith in a fashion that my soul understands, even when my brain gets muddled, or my heart gets bruised. For me, "complete confidence" says it all. No matter what has happened in my lifetime I've always possessed faith. Any issue that has ever occurred was never because of any lack of faith on my part. Most often it has been the direction I pointed it toward that has been faulty.

Just saying that made me pause... I want so strongly to make it clear that I don't believe it was an error to have confidence in the people I've loved. My error was that I went so very long without having any confidence in myself. I should have placed more value in my own ability. I should have never blamed myself when others broke my trust. It took me almost a lifetime to realize how very special I am... how capable... how worthy of trust... how forgiving... not perfect, but perfectly comfortable inside my skin.

I've very often deserved more than I've received from others. The default wasn't mine, yet I hugged it to me as if it were something I could alter with just a bit more effort. When I stopped having blind faith in others and invested complete confidence in my own worth, things balanced out to a place where I found peace.

People didn't stop disappointing me, but their shortcomings became their own issues. If they screwed up I didn't abandon them, unless screwing up was all they ever did. If I love someone, but they're dangerous to my soul, I may have to put distance between us... but the love remains. My faith in others isn't endless. But my confidence in myself is, or falling back into old patterns would be my just punishment.

It took me ages to iron out the wrinkles inside of me that cruel words and clenched fists applied so unjustly. It took me longer still to apply the starch that stiffened my resolve to never again be a willing victim. 

I begin each new relationship with anyone, both friend or lover by placing complete confidence in both of us really being who we say we are. I'm wide-open... unprotected by the safety that any doubt would supply. Hopeful rose colored glasses sitting loosely upon my face. I have complete confidence in who I am, and the value of what I have to give. Any loss of trust is their doing, because I'm real to the soul. Knock my rosy shades off and it's just never quite the same.

If the betrayal is bad enough and the love isn't deep then I let go and travel on. A bit wiser, but still intact. If the love is deep then I show my sorrow and explain my position. I allow time for understanding, but I'll protect myself by caring just a bit less. Every wound will shrink fondness, until nothing of value remains.

I give fair warning by both word then deed. All my relationships, both large or small, have the same warning labels. Don't view this quiet person as simple. Don't see my forgiving soul as a blank check to redeem for any amount of agony. Don't imagine simply because you seek to deceive that I swallow blindly. Don't push at me endlessly, imaging I'll always spring back and carry on as before. One push too many and I may just roll away.

And never underestimate yourself and the incredible possibilities a bit of starch applied to a mind can create. Have complete confidence in yourself, before you dole it out to others. It isn't an either or kind of thing. You don't have to abandon self to gift love to anyone else. Better to hold on tight always to the faith you earned yourself above what you bet on anyone else. Emotional bankruptcy can be avoided with just the right amount of starch applied. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!! 

SILENT CONVERSATIONS

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts... Margaret Lee Runbeck

If we're lucky friends like that come along early and stay late. If we're blessed they come along midway and linger forevermore. I've been mostly blessed, and have had the good fortune to gather together a group of women with whom I can be silent in total comfort.

They "get me"! I "get them"! Perhaps they aren't always turned into each other, yet their connection to me has been a bridge that any one of them could cross in safety. Jealousy isn't a factor... it's their respect for each others special place in my life that keeps them from overstepping.

They listen, but never judge! They respond without resentment! They rescue me without bitching, when the need arises! Their homes are scattered, but they all share a precious trait. I'm always safe wherever they reside! They don't lie, neither do I, so trust is complete on all sides.

In a life that has held so much pain and disillusionment they have been steadfast in their devotion. Most of the joy I experienced during my darkest days came from easy silences with sister-friends who simply loved me in spite of myself.

It's always been my nature to look for the best in others. Even the worst among us have precious portions that respond to kindness. I used to believe every word ever said by anyone I loved. I've outgrown that, which often makes for silent agony. Sometimes "IT IS WHAT IT IS"... and nothing more.

Life is a bitter-sweet thing. If we're lucky there is enough of a balance between the two to teach us what we need to know. If we have too much sunshine then any storm will uproot us in an instant. If we have too much rain then any sunny day is spent head down mopping up the mess. Pain has value, cause nothing else makes us appreciate pleasure more completely.

Today I give thanks for the friends who know it all, every twisted turn.. and love me as much as I love them. The journey has been both as rough as it gets, and as smooth as can be. I carry each of them with me always. They surround me in all kinds of weather.

Vicky shines from the handy work hanging above my desk, saying I'm truly family. Net smiles from a photo so sweet that I can hear her beloved giggle. Charity and Nancy stand hand-in-hand inside a memory so dark that they shimmer like angels. Mary is the glue that held me together, when nothing else could.

Linda with class lives  just across the way, which gives me more comfort than I can even begin to say. Patt's love supports my soul and she believes I'm worthy of my task. Jackie loves me too and reminds me of all the reasons why; we both cherish a forever friendship that developed at first sight. Devin will always be hooked to my soul by love of her spirit and a flickering lamps proof of the power of ducks. 

Joan shares coffee with me every morning in a cup fashioned by the magic of love. Bonnie Sue hangs above my head, in a beaded angel that says everything will be okay... no matter what! Dee is in cards sent across the sea, and Iggly is too. Andi is as shinny and sweet as the jewels made with loving hands. Tammy who I loved so much, for not nearly long enough resides here too.

In life I can think of nothing as everlasting as the circle of sisters that every woman possesses. I can think of nothing quite as comforting as a shared special silence that says everything. Thanks my sisters... I love you all! And welcome to any new that come, it isn't the length of love that matters... it's the depth. Think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

THREE SQUARE FEET OF HAPPINESS

TODAY'S QUOTE:

"When what we are is what we want to be, that's happiness."... Malcolm S. Forbes, 1917-1990, American Publisher

The right to happiness is every humans birthright. As children we take what we're given... good or bad beginnings often simply depend on who's been sleeping with whom. No infant can choose their parents, siblings, extended family, wealth or lack thereof, or location of birth. We get what we get. As children we're not to blame for any mess made by adults, although many of us suffered punishment as if we were.

Making the best of it is often all the defense we have, until we outgrow or overthrow our governing forces. If that sounds a lot like war, for some it truly is.... if it wasn't a long battle for you then take a moment to tell your family how grateful you are for a healthy head start toward happiness. If you're one of the warriors then fight the urge to focus on how unfair it all seems.

It wasn't fair, but you survived it, and sucking on it won't make it taste any better. Life isn't fair. We all carry some kind of burden that we never deserved. Mean people, angry people, damaged people may have robbed you of a happy start, but unless you allow them the power yourself they cannot steal a happy ending. They held you captive once upon a time, don't remain a prisoner by choice.   

Every adult is responsible for whatever goes on inside of their own three feet of personal space. The people we place beside us, and the level of the control we give them is also in our hands. I took almost an entire lifetime to understand this. I kept thinking if I didn't hurt others that would keep me safe from harm. What a fool I was... but I had the best of intentions.

I believed that my happiness depended on someone else. I tried to become whatever others wished me to be... then they would be happy... andddddddddddddd then finally I would be happy too. I know that's not true now. I know the only true happiness comes from the inside out. And to find that you have to be who you were truly meant to be.

Approving of yourself is the most precious feeling. Fitting in your own skin is true happiness. Finding someone who allows you to be, "real" without punishing you for it is icing on the cake. I'd be just as happy eating my cake free of icing, but it's so much sweeter now that I have icing available.

Remembering all the years I went hungry is used only to count my blessings, not to assign blame. Wherever life takes me.... whatever mountains I must cross.... as long as I'm master of my three feet... I'll know true happiness. It's a privilege I fought hard to attain, and a birthright I finally obtained. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!   

Imaginary Sorrow

TODAY'S QUOTE:

"There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them."... Josh Billings

I've been conditioned from birth on to worry overmuch. What nature and nurture didn't teach, I learned at the hands of a husband who produced things to worry about by the thousands. He couldn't be bothered with finding solutions... problems where his specialty.

My mother fretted endlessly about what other people thought, while my father worried about nothing much at all that didn't involve a boat, a fish, a stereo, or a truck. My husband plotted endlessly about how to get hold of a dollar without breaking a sweat. Perspiration was my part... shame was my burden... abuse was my bedfellow.

Was is such a wonderful word. What was cannot become what is, without our permission. Learning that changed forever my perception of any worrisome situation. Shit-full is such an empowering emotion. When I decided to divorce myself from my fathers indifference, my mothers endless criticism, and my husbands tiresome demands I found I had very little to truly worry about. I don't fret over what was, I do my best nowadays to live happily within what is... or work toward what can be... was is over.


I try to only fret, if fret I must, about the things I can alter somehow. Most days I succeed. Old habits die hard though, so from time-to-time I get bitten by a deep dread of some sort or another. Imagined outcomes most often hold more danger and drama than what reality could contain.

Talking myself into waiting for the real thing isn't a difficult task. I refuse to be pestered for very long by any fictional dilemma. I've simply got too much factual happiness at stake. Refusing worry isn't a sin... it's a delight... worthy of the effort. Think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!! 

THE FIRST STEP

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"The first step towards change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do. It's something you allow." ....Will Garcia

The first step is always the most difficult, but without taking it we cannot expect to get anywhere worth going. Acceptance of our own shortcomings is not an easy task; judging ourselves more harshly than anyone else ever would is a common human fallacy each of us must battle to win the war. Let's face facts... it is much easier to place blame than it is too attempt change.

The monster we know may be less frightening than facing the unknown, but a life spent wrestling the same opponent is too much like running in place to be the wise thing to do. Performing the same action and expecting a different outcome is a fool favorite pastime. It seems wiser to crawl out on the limb and chance a fall than to endlessly chase your tail at the base of the tree.

Failure has its rewards too, and the chance of victory is worth the risk. Lessons learnt the hard way are usually mistakes you only make once and their benefit is life-long. Alterations are often necessary so that the life you live more closely fits who you really are. Seeing change as an enemy is a twisted perception, it more often foretells blessing than curse. I fear stagnation much more fiercely than I ever have any adjustments needed to move forward.

The motions required to change for the better are a firm foot on the gas and steady hands on the wheel. Belief in your power to succeed must be soul-deep and begins with desire that is grown in the brain then harvested through deliberate actions. As humans we have the power needed, but unless it is tapped it is a pointless possession. It is like keeping a new car in the garage and walking instead. Any blisters are self-inflicted pain that has no possible gain. Use of the tools you possess builds the strongest structures, so erect something that will serve you well during the worst of times.

As an added bonus I am adding another quote that I just received today. It fits like a glove, so pull it on and dream with confidence then act without delay. Life is too short to travel through it with feet that drag and a head bowed as if in shame. Look up, look forward, and really live before time runs out. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

"To dream anything that you want to dream, that is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do, that is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself, to test your limits, that is the courage to succeed." -- Bernard Edmonds

COTTON CANDY PROMISES

Today's Quote:
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one. – George Washington, 1732-1799, 1st President of the United States

It would be wonderful if we could get through life without doing anything that needs to be excused. But no matter how we try that just isn't possible. The best that we can hope for is that the measure of our offences stays below our ability to make them right somehow. Excuses mean less and less the more often they are tendered. It's always better to change a behavior than alter our alibis.

Taking responsibility demands facing our faults, swallowing misplaced pride, shrinking a puffed up ego, and thinking of what can be done to avoid repeating the offence. That's hard work. It's much easier to think up clever ways to arrange words to earn a pardon. Words as sweet as cotton candy may be ingested by a hopeful listener, and forgiveness fully granted. If momentary relief is all you're after words are the way to go.

But be warned... even the most hopeful listener soon tires of lame excuses, no matter how nicely arranged. Their ears may have been  sugar coated, but trust me their eyes were waiting for the actions that matched the phrases. Cotton candy promises are fine and dandy... words spun like sugar, can ease a hungry soul. But eaten alone, without any action to follow... will leave a disappointed spirit starved and hollow.

I'm not suggesting that if you have sweet words to not use them. But if words are all you possess then save them. I'd be able to add years to my life if I could gather up all the time I wasted swallowing cotton candy pledges. When actions finally came from my main tormentor he didn't say anything. No excuses were given, no promises made... he simply changed the behavior and set us both free.

Even the best alibi weavers can see when their audience is less than convinced. He knew he was one broken promise away from being homeless. I was done being punished for believing. He finally "got it"!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't say that I haven't eaten any cotton candy since then, but I can say that it will never become my primary diet again. Rose colored glasses cannot ever become a refuge... it is what it is... change it... accept it... or fuck it. Try when you can to make more amends than excuses. When words escape you, do something to say more than any words could. And as always... think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!  

  

PUMP THE BRAKES

Today's Quote:
For fast acting relief, try slowing down.
Lily Tomlin

Life isn't a race where the first over the finish line is "the winner." If it were, I'd still do my best to be nearest to the back of the pack as I could manage without standing still. I wouldn't be focused on the finish line, as if nothing else existed. While traveling, I'd be soaking up the sights... breathing as deeply as possible... and paying some kind of homage to the ending of one phase, before beginning the next. 

Many of us rush as if our final destination is the only thing of any value, and miss the importance of getting there. We sit at red lights or stand in lines as if that is some sort of punishment. Being forced to take turns in an orderly fashion wads some of us up. I never mind the pauses, unless the person behind me is impatient. I don't reward bad behavior by increasing my speed to accommodate any inflated ego that's pushing against my backside. The urge to slow down out of spite comes and goes. I smile and keep my steady pace.

The minute you allow any negative person or emotion to dictate your actions they are the master. I've learned from past experience that when there is a true master, other than me, then my role is slave. Been there.... done that.... the shirt got wayyyyy too tight. I spend my time now learning to master myself.

I gave up the race to please others at any cost. I pumped my brakes. I learned to value my feelings. I learned to protect my soul. And I'm still learning. Slowing to a speed that didn't make me dizzy solved a lot of my problems. I view any pause between tasks as a reward, not a punishment.

Patience is a virtue I have in abundance... one of the very few that I possess. I learned it the hard way. I came to understand that the most brutal lessons leave the best rewards behind. Most of my major mistakes came from rushing into things. The fact that I was also rushing from something doesn't change facts.

Two wrongs don't ever make anything right. One prison is pretty much like any other. With me the jailers changed, but I remained a prisoner until I set myself free. And staying free is my only stationary destination nowadays. Traveling too fast could get me caught up in the flow of traffic and lead me places I never wanted to be. Leaving room to adjust to changing situations is what keeps me safe from major pile ups.

Slow down... pump the brakes... smell the roses... and place as much value on where you're at as given to any hoped for destination. Destinations come and go; our only guaranteed position is the moment to moment ones along the way. Treasure them, or they might as well not have occurred at all. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride... then decide!!!!

ONE DEGREE AT A TIME

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"If you want to sail your ship in a different direction, you must turn one degree at a time."Brian Tracy

Every change in direction demands some sort of alteration in the way we steer. The best way to accomplish that with the least amount of stress is one degree at a time. Measured changes have a much better chance of success than anything done too quickly or for the wrong reason.


Sometimes we fight against reality. Things that should be different may depend upon the honesty of someone else. Facing the truth happens a degree at a time... some people simply cannot be trusted. If you're not doing the damage then nothing you do will make it any better. And the fault isn't yours to carry.


Coming to terms with the difference between what you deserve and what you have is a slow battle between head and heart. The most important thing to remember during that war is to keep your soul safe. Do whatever is best for your safety and sanity. Karma will deal with the rest. Stepping off the battlefield holds no shame if it's a war that cannot be won.


One tiny twist followed by another in a measured streams will eventually turn even the largest vessel in the opposite direction. And human beings can turn things around in the same fashion. One degree at a time is always just the right speed. Fast enough to keep a steady pace forward, yet slow enough for any necessary attitude adjustments.


Growing pains come in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't what you carry, it's how you carry it that matters most. See the hard things as tests you must pass to step up another degree. The thought of such a reward for all the bull-shit makes it worthy of our time and effort. Learn what you're made of... one degree at a time... and as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

WHERE YOU END UP

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up somewhere else".... Yogi Bera

Simply put quotes make what I do so much easier. Life is all about movement. From birth onward we are students in the art of motion. Once we gain an upright position and master our feet, the real education begins. Destinations are limited. Boundaries are numerous. And escape is often the only real driving force powering little feet.

We learn quickly what's hot and what's not. We explore endlessly, always with an eye toward flight. We grow and hands that once held tightly, loosen their grip. We mature and become master of our destination. Some of us rotate happily for a lifetime in a very limited space. Some of us soar well beyond the familiar boundaries set by birth. And some hunger for far off places, yet never try to fly. 

Being master of where you are isn't guaranteed. What begins as a birthright is too often traded, rented, or sold for all the wrong reasons, to someone unworthy of the honor. We don't always place proper value on ourselves. The "caught up in the moment" can change into a hot and tragic mess in the blink of an eye.

The trick is to not view any negative location as your final destination. Never be satisfied to live a whole lifetime in a mean and dirty place. Where you are is only temporary, unless it's where you're happy to be. Whatever power you gave away can be reclaimed any time you choose.

If you don't steer yourself you'll end up wherever chance deposits you. And any gust of wind will have more power over what happens to you than you do yourself. Don't be satisfied to be just a wind-drifter. Don't let any misfortune be simply an accident of location. Don't willingly be in the wrong place at the right time. Drive yourself, or be forever driven by one slave driver or another. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

OUR WORST ENEMY

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.".... Helen Keller

Self-pity is simply sorrow felt about our own suffering. It's impotent agony. It's a door that leads us deeper into the shadows. It's often used as an excuse for acting out. It's a maze of negative emotions, with no escape. Most times it's totally self-indulgent, but it's always self-destructive. It's a weakness that inspires more weakness. When life knocks you down, self-pity will keep you prone.

And it repels our peers, who like to think they'd do a much better job of coping. "Poor me" is a very unattractive pose, akin to total surrender in both intent and effect. Other people hesitate to offer any real comfort, thinking that to do so would only encourage more self-serving sorrow. Feeling sympathy for someone who has locked themselves inside a prison of, "why me" is difficult. A true friend will shake you hard, hug you tight, and ask softly, "why not you."

Bad stuff happens to everyone. Tragedy isn't reserved just for the wicked. Pain isn't only dealt to the evil among us. People will disappoint you. Diseases may afflict even the pure at heart. Love can end for even the most lovable. Whatever the sorrow, which of us gets stuck with some kind of hurt is open to us all. Face the pain, allow it to hurt, then readjust and move past it.

Wasted breath asking, "WHY ME?" can be better used drawing in strength for whatever comes next. And trust me... something will certainly come. Either you or the situation will overcome. Why be a willing victim? Sorrow is stressful. Stress kills. Self-pity will dig a grave, for anyone who holds onto it for long enough.

If you feel the need to indulge in a pity party never be the guest of honor. Invest it in someone else. Let it move you to ease their sorrow and be worthy of the ache. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can always govern our reaction. Think about it.... let it grow.... then YOU decide!!!!

Wrinkle Control

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.".... Groucho Marx, 1890-1977, American Comedian

Aging takes no special talent, just hang out and it'll happen eventually. Agelessness is an art form, but simple aging is little more inspired than any other habit. Spirit age seems the real decider, because numbers upon paper say nothing about us worth hearing.

Be as young as you're able and no older than you must... that's my chosen plan of action, as well as very sound advice. Give to life only the price demanded and not even one wrinkle more. Trust me if you live long enough you'll have a fair share. Refuse to donate any face-space for wadding up when you can avoid it.

Remembering a few simple facts can cut down on the deep creases dug by any heartache. A broken heart mends much easier than a broken spirit. Chest wounds are inevitable, but a crushed soul only occurs if its master allows the pressure. Face facts. It is what it is. A wish will never change truth, no matter how pure its intention.

Make peace with reality. Know the difference between what is real and what is simply hoped for. When seen clearly it can be dealt with in the same fashion. The truth may cause a much deeper injury to the heart, but the soul will be safe. What is real from your point-of-view is your reality.

Each person sees from a different vantage point. Always place more trust in actions than in any words spoken. Deceitful facts can be easily hidden behind pretty lyrics we need to hear. Love may be unconditional, but trust needs proving. Never invest more faith in others than you spend upon yourself.

Life isn't always as it seems at first glance. What is visible to the masses often has little or nothing to do with our reality. Love isn't always as trouble free as it should be, or as equally balanced. Like the song say, "every point of refuge has its price."

And the price of paying too much is a face that shows the miles traveled in the lines traced there. Worry deposits more, yet gains nothing in return. Stress leaves its mark, as well. By taking a careful look at reality we can make decisions or adjustments that minimize the damage we suffer. Putting things into perspective creates better facial restoration than plastic surgery ever could. Keep your soul healthy and your face will age gracefully. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

LOVE DEEPLY

TODAY'S QUOTE:
To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others....Anne-Sophie Swetchine, 1782-1857, Russian-French Writer

Love expands everything it touches. We all search for that magical rush of swelling heart and rushing blood. We all need that tender embrace... that island of comfort in the turbulent sea of life. It is the only location where we are truly safe from harm for however long we rest there.

Unconditional love is the cream of the crop. It stands strong and unshaken by any outside influence, and let's face it folks there are always outsiders... either people or situations all too ready to interfere. Loving deeply keeps the hounds at bay, and overlooks all the " shit happens" situations that are a part of every life cycle.

A healthy love is not harmed by ill health of either party. We are all prisoners inside the bodies we inhabit, control of its state is often not a possibility. The only burden that ever occurs is when the ill one questions their right to be loved. True love happens to us, it cannot be manufactured or turned on and off when times get rocky. The simple fact is that it becomes more tender at such times; if it is real and healthy it naturally gives whatever is warranted whenever need be... no questions asked... no doubts... no hesitation... no shit... truly!!!

An unhealthy love is a sickness as real as any other, seeping poison into your system at every turn. A love with an agenda is no love at all, costing more than it could ever be worth. One pays the price for a gem and gets colored glass in its place. Time always shows us our mistake, but the pain and scars are a steep price to pay for total disillusionment.

If you have the real deal, hang on with all your might. If you have an imitation, drop it like it's hot. The former will stand the test of time and overcome any obstacle. The later will crumble under your feet at the smallest bump in the road. Love real, love large, love deep and no matter what your situation you will be rich beyond compare. And as always... think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

Charred Remains

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.".... Abigail Van Buren

This quote is a very clever warning against using tit for tat tactics as the pattern for living, unless drama is your chosen destination. Giving as good as you get can be an endless equation that solves no problem that I have ever faced... in fact knee-jerking into revenge mode only makes matters worse.

When someone is out of control, how can joining them do anything but harm. Payback is addicting... they do this... you do that... over and over, changing nothing but the intensity of damage on both sides. A spark becomes a mighty inferno, and afterward all anyone has is charred remains. If payment in life feels necessary, try paying a kindness forward... and leave the payback for all negatives to a higher power. 

If someone does you ill it does not help any to stoop to their level. Leave the offender to the fate of karma and walk away the bigger man, with nothing to excuse in your own behavior. A higher power can dish out better punishment than you could ever dream up. When is the last time you made it rain for 40 days and nights? Take comfort from that and rise above the bull-shit. Why don't you.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

The following link was given to me by a very dear friend. I see it as a shinning example of time well spent making the world a better place. With two arms and a cardboard sign, he changed the world he lives in... and we all have the capability, but too few have the urge.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

What Kind Of Animal?

TODAY'S QUOTE:
It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life."... Sister Elizabeth Kenny

This quote made me laugh. The vast difference between animals may seem too far of a stretch, but take my word for it, the distance is do-able. Speaking as a former sheep, when you hit that one last thing that wads up your soul, a mighty roar is just a deep breath away. And I found that once you go cat there is just no going back. But you can keep some of the gentle qualities of a sheep, combining them with the best defensive abilities of the feline, and evolve into your own special breed.

I'm gentle by nature, and the transformation into a state that is so far from my comfort zone can be overwhelming to say the least. When the alternative is to hold it inside and vibrate in silence the scale always tips in the cats direction. Holding things in is always a mistake. Speaking with authority, making a point that can be understood, or laying out your limits is best done before your point of total transformation. It's simply easier for others to compromise if they aren't faced with the fight or flight option.

Be a lion when need be, and something softer when defense isn't necessary. I know how to be a bitch, but if I was constantly making use of that, it would quickly lose its power. The roar is very valuable for getting the attention of the hard of hearing or the hard headed, but once they're listening a whisper is better heard than a volume that offends the senses. If your point is valid and your position solid, that will be enough to get others to admit you're the master of the 3 feet of personal space that belong to you. If reason doesn't work then rage will accomplish nothing of lasting value. If nothing changes, moving on is an option that a sheep wouldn't do more than contemplate, but a lion certainly has the nerve to relocate.

Trying to keep it all in perspective isn't always as simple as it should be. You may think that you've reached a perfect balance between gentle and fierce, until some jackass kicks the sheep without warning or reason... and the lion takes control. At such times, try to remember not to overeat... consuming too much asshole can leave you with a very bad taste in your mouth. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

Your Place

Today's Quote:
If you do not feel yourself growing in your work and your life broadening and deepening, if your task is not a perpetual tonic to you, you have not found your place.-- Orison Swett Marden

I think this is an excellent quote and instead of a normal post, (if anything I write can be classified as normal), I think I will use it as a prompt to explain my place... "Journey's End." This is a place of comfort to me, it's where I keep my soul. I read these words and recall the lessons learned and the people who taught them. I remember brutal situations and how I survived them, not with sorrow... every lesson has great value. I write so I stay centered. I could write in a diary... never showing my words to anyone, and receive the same balance. I post things here for others, because of a promise I made on December 11, 1995.

I'll make a long story as short as possible, but some things cannot be left out. Once I was a mentally and physically abused wife. That is fact... my awakening on Oct 30, 1993 altered that forever. But something that happened in the months before that transformed my life even more. I met a woman some years younger than me whose abuse was much more brutal than mine. We worked together, midnight shift... one deep look into her eyes and I knew we shared a secret. We were a great comfort to each other.

After my awakening my whole life altered, my image of self changed drastically... my abuser and I came to a place of peace and friendship. Love and respect was mutual. During this time I changed my place of employment. But I didn't forget my friend... I went back a couple of times to visit her while she was working and we exchanged letters. Her last words to me in person were that I was her hero.

She changed jobs too, and my husband finally got one, working with her... isn't life strange how it flows is such unexpected directions. She was working with the man who had abused me, who hadn't worked for over 10 yrs... but now he was completely different too. Through him we communicated, making plans to meet sometime soon. He shared with me that she was getting ready to finally leave a situation she couldn't fix and begin a life on her own. I was happy for her. She deserved a life!

Just a few short days after he told me that news, he was the one who gathered me in his arms, to tell me she was dead. Her husband killed her and then took his own life, while 5 children (4 of theirs and 1 she brought to the marriage) lay in bed, hearing heaven only knows what. The newspaper quote: "Although the children heard what was transpiring they apparently saw nothing that occurred in their parents bedroom." She was 28 years old.

My husband went with me to the funeral, then took me back later to see her headstone... I returned because I had a promise to make. Standing there I swore to her that I would tell others the things I had learned that set me free and the things that had ended her life. I had been her hope, now I had to be her voice. To stay silent would mean both our pain and her death would have no lasting impact on the world. So this blog is "my place".... my promise kept.

I was told the other day that what I had written people know by "our" age. I know the person had no intention to wound, but it did. Not badly, but I don't write for a specific age. I write for a specific ageless kind of issue.... to lift up, to remind, to comfort... I WRITE FOR TAMMY KAY HOWARD, GLENDA ALEXANDER (MAHAN), AND FOR ALL THE WALKING WOUNDED WHATEVER AGE!