Your Place

Today's Quote:
If you do not feel yourself growing in your work and your life broadening and deepening, if your task is not a perpetual tonic to you, you have not found your place.-- Orison Swett Marden

I think this is an excellent quote and instead of a normal post, (if anything I write can be classified as normal), I think I will use it as a prompt to explain my place... "Journey's End." This is a place of comfort to me, it's where I keep my soul. I read these words and recall the lessons learned and the people who taught them. I remember brutal situations and how I survived them, not with sorrow... every lesson has great value. I write so I stay centered. I could write in a diary... never showing my words to anyone, and receive the same balance. I post things here for others, because of a promise I made on December 11, 1995.

I'll make a long story as short as possible, but some things cannot be left out. Once I was a mentally and physically abused wife. That is fact... my awakening on Oct 30, 1993 altered that forever. But something that happened in the months before that transformed my life even more. I met a woman some years younger than me whose abuse was much more brutal than mine. We worked together, midnight shift... one deep look into her eyes and I knew we shared a secret. We were a great comfort to each other.

After my awakening my whole life altered, my image of self changed drastically... my abuser and I came to a place of peace and friendship. Love and respect was mutual. During this time I changed my place of employment. But I didn't forget my friend... I went back a couple of times to visit her while she was working and we exchanged letters. Her last words to me in person were that I was her hero.

She changed jobs too, and my husband finally got one, working with her... isn't life strange how it flows is such unexpected directions. She was working with the man who had abused me, who hadn't worked for over 10 yrs... but now he was completely different too. Through him we communicated, making plans to meet sometime soon. He shared with me that she was getting ready to finally leave a situation she couldn't fix and begin a life on her own. I was happy for her. She deserved a life!

Just a few short days after he told me that news, he was the one who gathered me in his arms, to tell me she was dead. Her husband killed her and then took his own life, while 5 children (4 of theirs and 1 she brought to the marriage) lay in bed, hearing heaven only knows what. The newspaper quote: "Although the children heard what was transpiring they apparently saw nothing that occurred in their parents bedroom." She was 28 years old.

My husband went with me to the funeral, then took me back later to see her headstone... I returned because I had a promise to make. Standing there I swore to her that I would tell others the things I had learned that set me free and the things that had ended her life. I had been her hope, now I had to be her voice. To stay silent would mean both our pain and her death would have no lasting impact on the world. So this blog is "my place".... my promise kept.

I was told the other day that what I had written people know by "our" age. I know the person had no intention to wound, but it did. Not badly, but I don't write for a specific age. I write for a specific ageless kind of issue.... to lift up, to remind, to comfort... I WRITE FOR TAMMY KAY HOWARD, GLENDA ALEXANDER (MAHAN), AND FOR ALL THE WALKING WOUNDED WHATEVER AGE!

Act Until Fact

Today's Quote:

"Imitate until you emulate; match and surpass those who launched you. It's the highest form of thankfulness." -- Mark Victor Hansen

My own personal expression of that life changing platitude is, "ACT UNTIL FACT" and many times in my lifetime it has enabled me to rise above my situation to a level of true balance. Some people never exercise this option because the first task demands an often uncomfortable face-to-face with our own reality.

Reality is never a hope of things to come. Our reality is a unique blend of facts... some we create.... some belong to others who inhabit our space... but the total sum creates our reality. It is what it is.... I have often heard, but whatever it is at the moment has no more power than we give it. Changing our reality is simply a thought away.

If the life you have is not the one you dreamed of, then reinvent it. Change has to start with you, if you are the only one who seems unsatisfied. Care a bit less about the actions of others when they seem not to be overly mindful of how you fee. View the situation with a little more dispassion and your souls needs with a bit more attention. When a goal is set all it takes is one thought after another, followed by one action after another. Being who you hunger to be is a recipe only you can envision... getting there is your responsibility.

If you look at things and are offended by their chaos then refuse to fuel the storm. Imagine who you wish to be then act until it is fact. Decide how much power you will give to what is and how much empowerment you give to what you want it to be. But it always begins with you. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

Mindfulness

TODAY'S QUOTE:
In the beginning mindfulness takes away worries and fears about past and future and keeps us anchored in the present. In the end it points to the right view of the self... Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"

Mindfulness is a word I use often, and a concept I practice daily, although this wasn't always the case. I suppose, age and experience makes for slower thinking. Being mindful of our surroundings keeps us from blindly stumbling into danger. Paying mind to how our actions may impact others will save the world an ocean of tears and a mountain of disappointment. If you've ever been sitting happily on a teeter-totter when your counter-balance rose without warning, understanding should be simple. Intention does play a part, although how much value is placed upon it varies with our individual viewpoints.

Did they get up without being mindful of how their assent would guarantee your descent, because they just didn't think, or was the purpose of their rise solely to watch you fall? Was it done as a joke, where laughter was shared? Was it done for spite with the intention of wounding? Answer those questions and you instantly know if it's safe to stay on the playground with your companion. If I got shot, but the person wasn't really aiming at me then I'd still be wounded... yet, the agony would be easier to get through somehow. Intention matters to me.

My practice is to point out my pain and highlight its source. I try not to let anger factor in; it's never my intention to begin a war over an accidental shooting. But even I have a limit to the times that, "I didn't mean to hurt you" will fly. Repeat offenders aren't forgiven forever. I mean if you care about me, and I've shown you an issue that causes me pain... why would you continue? Truly if I don't deserve to be shot, I won't be a willing target forevermore.

Paying close attention to any chosen subject gives us an instant advantage. Knowing your boundaries and surrounding yourself with people who respect them makes for a very peaceful kingdom. Self awareness, saves us the agony of oblivion... valuing who we are is the best way possible to inspire others to act accordingly. If we refuse to overlook ourselves it makes it much harder for anyone else to neglect us. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!  

Awaken Yourself

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."... Carl Jung

I can remember my awakening as if it happened just yesterday. All it took was one complete image put into words, and I was instantly altered in a never go back fashion. It was my 40th birthday, and I was half asleep when an uninvited notion took hold of me. I said out loud, "Forty more years of this shit, then the nursing home, then the cemetery... fuck that!!! My brain expanded in that moment to view what my history would certainly be if I didn't change my outlook on my life and upgrade the value I placed upon myself.

But who the hell was I, besides the product of the labels I'd been given, or willingly adopted out of self defense? I really didn't have a clue, but I did have a burning desire to find out. Turning my eyes inward was the healthiest thing I'd ever done. It isn't selfishness that altered my mindset about my right to be happy... it was self preservation. My soul shaking, mind shaping moment of impact was a rebirth of sorts. Our births are painful but we forget; rebirths can be agony, yet we remember. Both lead to living... the former plops us down without a choice of location... the latter grants us sole power of choice. Where we plop ourselves afterwards is totally up to us.

Being shit full is a heavy burden to drag along; letting  go allows us to stand tall and take an unobstructed view of our surroundings. Knowing how you got there isn't the problem... it's the finding your way to a path that doesn't wad up your soul that's the next step. The best advice I can give is to go forward... nothing behind you leads anywhere new. Shut out all outside noise and listen closely for the calm quiet voice inside. It's there... has been there all along... trust it... follow it... and it will lead you to safety.

Fact is that is the only voice you will ever hear that is agenda free. Bank on that and you will amass a fortune inside and it will be impossible to allow anyone to completely bankrupt you again. It won't stop them from trying... whoever they are... but once you value yourself enough you develop a limit to the pressure placed against you before you either push back or simply walk away.

Echoes of that time live with me daily, and always will...  it's what centers me in a sane place no matter how crazy the world around me gets. It was that fork in the road that determined if I'd continue to wither inside or I'd bloom in spite of the emotional drought I seemed trapped inside of. I say seemed because it was only an illusion of bondage, created in part by my hunger to please. Once I truly realized that the only real power others had was the power I gave them then their trap fell apart like a house of cards.

Now I warn calmly when I know something in my world is wadding up my soul. Real love doesn't wound on purpose and if I tell you that I'm being damaged by your actions and you choose to continue... I have no alternative but to walk on. Find yourself, value yourself, and surround yourself with the people who deserve their place inside your precious orbit. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

Strength Comes

Today's Quote:
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."
Mahatma Gandhi

A body will weaken with age; no matter what we do it cannot retain the power enjoyed during youth. The will on the other hand never loses the capacity to grow stronger, gain mass, and carry even the most wasted body with dignity and grace. The package we come in is not always a castle, but the contents are of regal value... as long as we treasure what really matters.

It may take a lifetime to truly realize that how we view ourselves, is how other eyes come to see us.  We cannot look to others to define who we are, or we never do more than exist inside the tight pattern cut by foreign hands. Words said by the mean spirited can shake confidence, but if we stop somewhere between the hearing and the believing we come to understand that words used as weapons always have an agenda that often has little or nothing to do with us.

A bully or a liar never has anything in mind except control of some fashion or another. They use words to put others off balance to hide their own shallow actions and petty deeds. Charm can hide as much deceit, and makes it much harder to separate what is fact from what is an act. Rose colored glasses serve them well.

Seeing them clearly takes time, finding the will to dismiss their value takes exercise. Sometimes they alter their behavior, sometimes they don't... but buying into their bullshit is always a mistake. Our will is often the only thing that keeps us upright and sane, when life is doing its very best to knock us down.
 
Indomitable means unconquerable, while will is a fixed and persistent intent or purpose... something done by design. Each of us has the capacity to direct our journey in a magical way, by our steadfast determination to be the best person we can be... no matter the cost. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!! 

 

Simple Solutions

TODAY'S QUOTE:
When the solution is simple, God is answering.
Albert Einstein

God won't wrestle us for control of any situation. If we give Him all our negative emotions, along with the dilemma which is inspiring our suffering... well our next step is very simple. Or it should be. Staying out of His way ought to be easy, but it never is. Once we've struggled without relief the only way to put a stop to the agony is to lay it down and trust that Father knows best.

If it were a hot stove we'd stop touching it a lot quicker, and the wounding would be easily healed. Pain control is much better served if we act before it drives us to our knees, while heartache has to put us there before we begin treating it in the only sure way for a healthy recovery.

It's a total waste of emotion and energy to attempt the handing it over without a firm commitment to release our strangle hold. If we won't let go, then how can He do anything except honor our free-will. The best solutions begin with our altering our attitude toward whatever is causing the agony. If I get to this point I've already done everything I can think of for a final solution.

Some burdens aren't really ours to carry... they belong on other shoulders. To reassign the load all we have to do is place it in the only hands with the power to set it in its rightful place. Trust me, He knows where the baggage belongs. But first we have to stop feeling responsible and cease trying to save others from their own hard knock lessons.

I've noticed that I often have to give it up several times before my hands are truly out of the way. Admitting that fractured feelings can be made whole by altering our connection to them is a big step in the right direction. There is no way to avoid runaway emotions, but taming them is possible. Feel it.... Forgive it.... Fill that space with something positive. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then YOU decide!!!