WHERE THE SHAME REALLY BELONGS

JUST A THOUGHT: There is no shame in believing a lie, for a time, either by fashion or by design. The real shame only comes in holding tight to what never was and never will be, and by choice living a lie that makes you a liars willing victim. GLENDA ALEXANDER

I never whine here about things that've happened to me and I never will... keeping my posts free of specifics gives them a one size fits all functionality that they wouldn't possess otherwise. If this were a place where I hungered for pampering I'd spill my guts and suck up all the sympathy. But don't bother feeling sorrow for me... and don't get trapped into feeling over-sorry for yourself either. Overdosing on poor little ole me's or poor pitiful you's spoon fed by other people define you by whatever sorrow you're wallowing in at any given moment. Wouldn't you rather be lifted up by triumph than held down by destructive self-pity or mishandled empathy? 

Empathy is meant to create a kinship, uniting us against a common foe. It gathers us together as a group and it can also inspire a gathering up of all the scattered pieces of self. Carefully tended wounds recreate, rehydrate, and rehabilitate the valiant warrior who's determined to keep on fighting for a life worth the living.  And what a miracle the healing becomes as it fuses what was bruised and broken into an armor of superior strength.  

You have to stomp some grapes to make wine; suffering is required to make mending necessary... and mend you must, or what's the point? Sour grapes make for spoiled wine. All the effort in the world won't alter that into anything worth ingesting. Pure waste is anything but pure. If someone feeds you a line and you swallow it, hook, line, and sinker then the sooner you spit it out the safer you'll be. If it leaves a nasty taste then take a bite of something sweet and move on. No matter what amount of time you spent dangling on the hook it only matters that you got smart enough to get free.

You began life believing that everyone was worthy of trust... that doesn't make you stupid. Loving someone doesn't insulate you against abuse. Loving a less than honest person doesn't make you stupid either. But expecting a predator to morph into a creampuff can make you appear simpleminded. The liar owns most of the blame and all of the shame... even though they rarely care enough to shoulder either.

I'd wager that all of us have some measure of experience to draw memory from on this subject. I'd also safely bet that if wanting to believe created the truth there would be a sudden worldwide shortage of liars. Neither gender holds a monopoly upon forked tongues. Don't believe past the point of no return. Don't trust past the point of lasting damage to your soul or exhaust yourself by attempting to build something solid with flawed material. As soon as your soul begins whispering hard truths then face your own reality and turn your back on the lies.

Second chances are a gift... third one's too if you see progress of a positive sort. But hoping forever is a pure donation of your life to lies in a fairytale with no happy ending. I wasted years I can never get back to a life full of secrets and bold faced lies. I gave up resenting that fact years ago when I began finding then living my own truth. Wisdom is gained by heartache and strain. A liar made me much wiser than I would've been if life had been different. The tools I have for survival were forged in that fire, and for that at least I'm most grateful. If anyone who reads here has need to borrow what I know until they own some tools of their own I'd be most honored to be of service. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

     

Passing Things

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Everything comes to pass, nothing comes to stay."... Matthew Flickstein, "Journey To The Center"

This is such a clever way to re-enforce the, "this too shall pass philosophy". We're meant to enter, struggle through as best we're able then exit much wiser with a valuable lesson tucked firmly up under our belt. We're meant to march forward at this point, but some loiter there like they're waiting for a bus. Any extended visits are voluntarily donated to a cause that could end there if we simply allowed nature to take its course. The lesson is our transportation... our backbone... our validation, and the only avenue that leads us safely through yesterday to reach a much improved tomorrow.

Loads get heavy, so we lean a hard forward to keep plodding along. We can't... or won't take time to examine it deeply... or resolve it completely; we're just too busy rushing to keep abreast with the current spin of things. It may seem easier to carry than to tarry, but this is where the default has its way with the unwary. Problems that could've been solved with just a bit of attention expand from no attention at all. Instead of dealing with it when our shoulders give out, we put it down and begin dragging it behind us. Its new position guarantees the gathering of more debris along the journey and a slower pace of travel.

We still feel as if we're getting somewhere, although not much of our movement is forward. The effort used is so draining it seems at any moment we'll catch up, but that's an illusion. Keep the burden and you'll dig a rut without meaning to and be stuck with an self-made struggle. Don't let it slide until it becomes an avalanche that buries you. Many things drive us in a lifetime, check often to make sure there isn't a procrastinator at the wheel.

If the past was meant to be a final destination then there wouldn't be a need for the future. As long as you continue to breathe you'll be alive, but if you take root in the past you won't  live... you'll be stuck on relive by default. Nothing new can begin while we hang onto what used to be. Take to heart the total understanding of your missteps versus misdeeds then readjust your footing. Take careful note of what you do want.... what you do not... and what you never did then readjust your mindset. Loosen your heartstrings and let your soul be the guide. Think about it... Let it ride... Then YOU decide!!!

KNOWING HAPPINESS

TODAY'S QUOTE:
In order to have great happiness you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy?... Leslie Caron

The contrast between the polar opposite ends of any emotion is a measuring point of reference that contains everything that's ever happened in our lifetime and how we felt at the exact point of each impact. Bad or good it's all recorded there in a kind of auto save mode for easy access. Dealing with it isn't mandatory, unless you hunger to become more than simply a sum total of a series of knee-jerk reactions to random events as they occur.

Our scar tissue should serve as a mighty reminder of just how far we had to crawl to be within reach of even the most imperfect balance between happy and sad. The more pain on the one end, the more joy on the other. No matter what else we do it's important to keep our point of view as crystal clear as humanly possible. We shouldn't franticly search for or cling desperately to either extreme. Our reality is colored and twisted so easily by the extremities of simply living... no need to confuse any situation by letting a desperate need slap rose colored glasses where a magnifying glass would better serve us. 

Someone who almost drowns develops a heightened love for solid ground than most of us ever experience. Facing death head on makes every moment precious, but it isn't only the threat to our life span that inspires hyper sensitivity. Any sort of soul-sickness... heart breaks... or mental anguish can inspire the same kind of personal growth and awareness. The unhappy times in our lives teach us so much about what we need and don't need to be happy. The positives we reap from our negatives are some of the most profound truths we ever encounter. And that's a good thing to remember when our hands get sweaty from clinging onto either end of the see-saw we erect with our choices. To avoid splinters pump the brakes a bit before simply giving into the urge to react. Instant responses too often inspire hasty overreactions that are almost impossible to control.      

Slipping one way or the other is simply part of life. The trick is to control our emotions enough to counter balance any unexpected vibrations from either end. If we throw our arms up in the air and attempt to ride this slick slide from side-to-side the force of any sudden movements may fling us off one end or the other. Without demonstrating any self-control we risk becoming manic-depressive by default to a degree equal to the force used at launch and whichever end we happen to land upon.

To suddenly find yourself even temporarily unraveled is a most unpleasant sensation. A self-administered overdose of one intense emotion or the other isn't any true measure of anything except stupidly. A cocky ego's urge for testing its talent for bull-riding should never be encouraged, or tallied up to prove a point. Find your perfect balancing point then don't cut your nose off to spite your face next time greedy negative emotions attempt to kidnap your positive intentions. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

HOWEVER SMALL INSPIRATIONS

TODAY'S QUOTE:
To do something, however small, to make others happier and better, is the highest ambition, the most elevating hope, which can inspire a human being. - John Lubbock

The ability to touch others in a positive fashion is something we all share; it's the determination and focus that differs from person to person. Some of us misplace that power by default or by design. Some people express it by actions alone... while others sit idle and  imagine that whatever little they could do wouldn't make any real difference anyway... so deliberately do noting.

But just a little bit of kindness goes such a very long way. Something almost effortless, like a smile gifted to a stranger, can alter their mood in the most wonderful way. A single gentle word or a series of them strung together with kindness can raise up a sinking heart and echo on inside the listener for many years to come. An act that only takes moments of time and is mostly effortless can change the direction of a stuck on negative mindset from bad to glad.

It's just as easy to flip the script in the opposite direction. You may be wadded up inside and pass that onto others as a way to ease your own torment. You may imagine that soothing yourself in this fashion is a quick fix to your own discontentment, but all it does is load the karma cannon and point it in your direction. I'd never risk a gapping hole being blown in my soul for any quick fix at someone else's expense.

If for some reason you cannot raise someone else up then at least don't use them as a ladder to further your climb. Make the world a better place or refrain from making a mess that other people are forced to clean up. It costs so little to do good and pays unlimited dividends. Either you multiply the positives for the benefit of all or subtract from them for your own devices. You can either earn a holy soul or a soul full of holes. Think about  it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!  

WE THE PEOPLE

Today's Quote: If you win, say nothing. If you lose, say less." Paul Brown

This is a quote that in today's climate we each need to take to heart and put into action. Emotions at the point of victory or defeat are intense. When a country, shore to shinning shore, in full view of the world allows those intense emotions to control their words and deeds then we as a whole appear to be nothing more than a manic-depressive giant mess. If we don't get a firm grip our neighbors may imagine us as weak-minded and weak-kneed.

We're all Americans, in spite of our disagreements. But that fact is hard to recognize amid all the actions inspired by panic and fear. This country will be destroyed from the inside out unless we stand together. WE THE PEOPLE... that is our true strength. Love of our nation... unconditional love... that is something I pray that we can all agree on.

It's NOT enough to only love this country when we like who lives in the White House! It's NOT enough to only love this country when everything is in perfect order! Without unconditional love for this country and for each other we'll be doomed to terminal manic-depressive status. There are ways to build our country up without burning it to the ground first. Wait and see what is up ahead before reacting to something that hasn't happened yet and stand firm... not behind a man but behind America. Stand tall and proud behind our country... WE THE PEOPLE!   

A PERSONAL PARDON

TODAY'S QUOTE:
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you... Lewis B. Smedes

Oh boy, ain't that just scary true? Figuring that out often takes a large portion of our lifetime, but even at a late date the value to our soul is beyond measure. Some, "get it" just in the nick of time, proving it's truly never too late to embrace God's grace. A dawning at sunset is a miracle. True understanding repairs and restores the eternal portion of self; it won't reduce wrinkles of face or form or repair a body worn by time and illness. A healthy soul is always worth the wait, no matter it's length . 

Our main mistake is in thinking that any act of true forgiveness is a gift that we're giving to whomever did us wrong. We instinctively dig our heel in at the very notion of  bending over and ending up getting screwed... AGAIN. Thought patterns like that couldn't be any further from the truth. But it isn't possible to reconsider our own point of view inside the confines of a tightly closed mind. Unclenching is done by a soul brave and true that cannot live in comfort in such tight quarters. Only then can the dawning of the true nature of forgiveness begin.   

Realizing that the gift isn't for the ones who used and abused us demands time and energy we don't possess at the very point of impact. All our natural and unnatural defenses  create a healing distance from the wounding and generate the strength necessary to put it into better perspective. Yes, they can benefit if they choose to, if we even inform them at all. It may be impossible to voice it face-to-face. They may be gone from our life or from this life altogether. Do it anyway!

We must dismiss any misplaced notion that anyone is obliged to say they're sorry for what they did to us for forgiveness to work correctly. If they didn't fret over the pain they caused when you laid wounded at their feet they won't give a sudden shit later on. Sometimes your forgiveness may induce them to try harder to achieve whatever harm they first intended. I'm not saying don't tell them if it seems vital to you somehow. But be forewarned that they may increase the height of the mountain of bull-shit you're dealing with in an effort to show you how little value they place in your pardon.

In the long run what they feel or value has no real power, unless you invite it to matter. If someone punched you in the face  without provocation you wouldn't worry about their feelings. Fight back or walk away... keep silent or scream bloody murder... turn the other cheek or call the police; the reaction of the moment never dooms you to carry that burden forever. They created the baggage, but it's you who strap it onto your own back. Forgiving their fist and the mindset behind its use instantly rids you of the negative emotions their assault inspired. I doubt you'd bother advising them of their pardon, but that doesn't alter the benefit you'll receive.

There is one blessing that makes forgiveness much easier to accomplish. Forgetting isn't necessary to make this magic work. The fact is that forgetting is the cousin of condoning bad behavior. A stove is hot... don't touch it. Forget that and you'll spend your life doing wound care. The stove won't chase you in order to burn; your own carelessness is at fault. Forget about a heavy hand and invite its assault. Remembering will keep you safer, but forgiving will keep you saner.

Do it for your own peace of mind and quietness of your soul. You didn't deserve the pain so don't wear it for a lifetime. Feel it fully, validate it completely, absorb what it teaches, unclench your fist, open your heart, and simply forgive. Get out of God's way and let the magic begin... think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

A WRINKLED SOUL

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul... Samuel Ullman

Measuring maturity is such a tricky business. Paper age is what society uses to classify, identify, label, and rate us as if we are simply one dimensional beings. Once we are grown using age as a guide to direct our thoughts, passions, behavior patterns, or emotions just naturally stunts personal growth. Sometimes you'll have to testify to your paper age to satisfy a question on a form, but never define yourself solely by the length of your life so far.

Being more than a number demands that you  be willing to step outside of the box in which both custom and society tries to keep you contained. And if you really want to live you'll be eager to be as ageless and unmanageable as possible for as long as possible. Just because your paper age guarantees you a special day and a cake with candles once a year doesn't give it the honor of dictating much else. And if it does you've given it power it certainly doesn't deserve.

Age is a dry fact next to an ocean of delightful details. The space between birth and death is filled with more than the ticking of a clock. The landscape contains mountains and valleys and everything in between. The width and depth is never definable by its length. And what is invested in rising again after a fall does not depend on age; determination to survive and the power to thrive are what fuels a successfully firm regaining of control of your three feet of personal space.

I use to wonder what it would be that finally altered my mind and heart to feel a bit closer to my paper age. I don't wonder anymore... losing two of my children pushed me past that point at a speed that slammed me face first into a reality too vivid to ignore. But it didn't end there... for their sakes as well as my own I had to keep living. And in all ways possible I have to thrive, or death wins while I'm still breathing. Now isn't the time for me to give into the demands of acting my age. I'm older inside than I was, but I'm still younger than it says on paper. And no matter what you face you should choose to be whomever you are no matter your age. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!    

You Decide

TODAY'S QUOTE: You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be. Wayne Dyer

Feet don't take root in any given location or situation, holding you hostage against your will. But the mind can and certainly will if it's allowed the freedom to do so. An idle mind is anything but; let it wander without direction and it will single-handedly create more, "oh shit" moments than you can imagine. If you suddenly find yourself drowning in an ocean of issues that never occurred to you before it's not time to rest in place... it's time to kick ass.

Why be satisfied to be stuck on stupid? Why donate your home to squatters? Why collapse in confusion and lose control by default? Why not get angry enough at every uninvited negative notion to clean house and man the door against any future invaders? Anything that pushes you down, either mentally or physically can't be allowed a foothold inside of your three feet of personal space. If it's a person who's bringing you down at least be able to boast the fact that it isn't your doing.

It's hard enough to untangle yourself from a bad relationship with someone else, but it's harder still to get free from yourself. Wherever you are, well there you are... wherever you go, well you're there too. There is no getting free; there is only getting control. Even after you know better there will still be times when you have to regain control. That gets easier with time and practice, but there will never come a time when it isn't necessary to think more then you speak and brake in mostly equal proportion to how much you accelerate.

Negatives hold you back, while positives push you forward. Negatives are drains, while positives are fountains. And there is nowhere on earth where they do more damage than inside a brain left unattended. Use your mind in a way that feeds your soul and makes your heart sing. Direct your thoughts to calmer surroundings and decisions will come from a position of power. Direct your actions and they'll come from a wiser position. Give your soul the deciding vote and gain some portion of grace. It all begins with mindfulness of what is allowed access and what is denied. And that my friend is for you to decide. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!                                                            

Living Large

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Find your center and stay there: it will allow you to live your life to its maximum. Barbara Ann Kipfer

We're often so busy simply reacting to circumstances, performing in someone else's drama, or creating our own to have any spare time for self-examination. But take my advice and pump the brakes, slow your roll, and get a firm grip on what's truly vital to your quality of life. Really living demands that you have a clue about who you are, what you want and how to achieve peace and happiness.

You'll never find it inside someone else's pocket; digging there may only compound your problems. It doesn't reside next door. A new mate or a mate that belongs to someone else doesn't hold the magic key to your kingdom. By all means if you're truly unhappy with someone move on... no sense in your hunger for more causing mass starvation inside your own household. What you give to someone else shouldn't be stolen from anyone. Get free, release them too, and continue your journey without shame. But don't expect magic fairy dust to rain down and make you suddenly whole.

Doing the work and making it last is a long and painful evolution, but it's well worth the agony involved. A huge part of your repair and restoration demands that you dismantle and separate what's viable from what's not. That process will get you soul deep and there you'll find your core. That part of you has all the answers to any question you can dream of and it'll never put you in danger or convince you of a lie. You can rest there and look all around at all the bull-shit you've collected by default or by choice your whole lifetime long.

The sorting from this position isn't pain free, but there is instant comfort from a soul grateful for its rescue and a steely determination to not reload yourself with more than can be carried in comfort. It's here that you learn the real magic of choices made verses simply accepting whatever others choose for you to medicate their own wounds. If you refuse to move from your center then nobody can push your boundaries or bully you into choices you'd never make otherwise. And you'll realize that you don't have to wound others to stay safe. Take care of your soul and it will gently take care of you. And that awakening and validation is for you, happens to you, and changes you in ways you never dreamed possible. To earn the right to live large we must first become small and grow from a position of soul-strength. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

SWALLOWING TRUTH

TODAY'S QUOTE:
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it... Flannery O'Connor

Human nature is a roller coaster ride that we often have to claw our way off of to make any sense of our truth. The urge to ride endlessly, screaming excuses for actions that we'd rather not face up to won't make them disappear. The fact is the longer we ride the harder it is to learn what we must and move on. We may hunger for other people to understand, but nobody ever does until we stop explaining and accept our flaws. Nothing can change for the better until we face and correct our own missteps. If we want others to see us as the person we've evolved into then we first have to clean up all of our left over messes.

We may know the why... we may see where we went terribly wrong... we may realize that our intentions were never to wound others, but until we show real remorse then nobody else will give a rats ass about any of the mitigating factors we care so much about. An excuse, (even a valid one) is not an alibi. All of your, "why I" information has a place and time to be examined. Tell it too soon and you'll be doomed to retell it over and over. And the more it's said the less valid it seems.

"The season for reasons", comes after all cards are face up on the table... nothing up anyone's sleeve... everyone voluntarily accepting their fair share of both the credit and the blame. If everyone isn't willing or able to shoulder what truly belongs to them then do your part without demanding they comply and save your why's for your own understanding. You have no real power over anyone else. There aren't enough words or ways to say them to force a change of anyone else's mind or heart. And that's okay!

If you're not sitting solitary once the table time truth or dare session ends then the why's can visit for a bit. But don't ever expect anyone else to care as much as you do. The how come you acted badly may have been caused by a spark somebody else ignited. But in the end you had a choice between feeding the fire or putting it out. Your truth rests soul deep and is better used for self-study than it is for a bargaining tool to gain forgiveness or understanding from others.

Become as strong as possible... as independent as possible... as self-aware as possible then you won't be tempted to use all the countless whys as the crutch you lean upon. When we reach past the age of reason then it's up to us to stop whining about our bad luck or shitty beginning and find our true potential and live up to it. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!      

GAINING WISDOM

TODAY'S QUOTE:
One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything. - George C. Lichtenberg

That's a fact! It doesn't matter whether it's a slow dawning, or a sudden awakening; however you get to the starting line what happens next is always the same. You realize that some of the most important things you don't know are basic things about yourself. What you really want... what you truly feel... what you think and believe are mostly as yet undiscovered mysteries. Your mind is awhirl with hummingbird notions that won't stop their endless rotation. Your heart is full of pain and longing, with old tired feelings trying to contain new ones that are struggling mightily for life. And your soul echoes with the raging storms that occupy every last inch of internal space you possess.

It can't be ignored. It won't be silenced. It tangles and gets more demanding for a ceasefire daily in a war that mostly started when your back was turned. The only way to make it stop is to validate it in a way that requires your own personal growth. Find what hurts the most, figure out why, understand its value, and answer every question it poses. Then move to the next ache again and again until all of the major agony is treated and only random sore spots remain. You're scarred for life, but you no longer bleed. And each blemish is a badge of courage, earned by a valiant warrior who triumphed  even though they were walking wounded throughout the entire war.

Nobody can fix it for you. You may be a damsel in distress or a knight without a clue, but joining forces isn't the answer. Then you're both doomed to deal with twice the issues when the one's each of you possess were already too much to handle. Going to stand beside someone who's struggling in quicksand will only trap you both. You have to do the work yourself. Any true healing revolves around finding enough answers about who you really are to prevent you from being simply a reflection of who someone else needs you to be. God bless the battle that makes you whole. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

REFUSE CAPTIVITY

TODAY'S QUOTE:
The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. - Mark Caine

This is such a brutal lesson. But if we don't struggle for freedom we become a hostage by default. All too often it's fear of the unknown that holds us firm in a place or situation that is harmful to us in one fashion or another. At times it's uncertainty of what we truly want that keeps us trapped. When that occurs we're much better served by simply flipping the script to examine what we don't want. Folks mostly always have an understanding of that when they may be confused about everything else. That's a good place to begin taking control of both our internal and external environments.

This lesson takes bravery we too often imagine we don't possess. But if the fear is ignored, the final reward will erase any doubt we ever had about breaking free. We each have the perfect right to be whomever we are without guilt. We needn't rip pieces of our heart out to fill in the empty places inside someone else. That never works, no matter our intentions.When you break yourself down to build someone else up then both foundations are just a puff of wind away from total collapse.

Be brave without malice. Be forgiving without blame. Be gentle without weakness. Be firm without spite. Be yourself without apology. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

        

WHAT IT TAKES

TODAY'S QUOTE:
It takes vision and courage to create - it takes faith and courage to prove...
Owen D. Young

The creation of art in any form is like giving birth, and every offering is precious to its parent. All of us may not possess the talent it takes to become mainstream masters, but everyone can create their own masterpiece. I call it rebirth; this sacred art of recreation is intimidating, empowering, terrifying... and oh so magical. In every way that matters the date of a rebirth is more worthy of celebration than a birthday.

One date is accidental... the other most deliberate. One is created by others... the other is constructed by you. One is of the body... the other belongs to the soul. Birth happens to you...  rebirth occurs inside of you. You cannot do the second without doing the first, but that doesn't make your birth more valuable. You don't remember the experience of being born. The magical quality of that sacred occurrence  is felt by others, it's true, and the celebration of your very existence is a thing of wondrous proportions.

Rebirth isn't about existing. Really living is the reward of breaking out of the shell that life and circumstances builds between your brain, heart, and soul. The cracking starts slowly, giving you time and space to adjust to your ever changing reality. Each ray of light illuminates something newly discovered about who you really are underneath all the labels you either inherited, earned fairly, or been branded with by other's.

The lessons never end, but that's a blessing. Relaxing into a new mindset doesn't stop the souls need for you to dig deeper or the hearts ache for total understanding.  Learning isn't over even after all the parts are connected and at perfect ease with each other. In a most magical way you'll continue to create and recreate in an attempt to perfect and project an internal image that makes sense of all your struggles. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!          

WHAT YOU CULTIVATE

TODAY'S QUOTE:
If fear is cultivated it will become stronger, if faith is cultivated it will achieve mastery...
John Paul Jones

The mind, heart, and soul are akin to gardens... each one located on a deeper internal level than the one before... each tilled, seeded, weeded then harvested as needed for fuel as we travel. As children we don't have any choice about what's planted there. There are just too many hands tossing things about and too few making a neat job of it.  By the time we reach the age of reason our sacred gardens are unkempt, overgrown, and so full of prickly weeds that any time spent there guarantees a wounding of one sort or another. And if we spend our time avoiding going there we grow older, yet no wiser; our outer form matures, while  our center remains undeveloped. 

What we ought to do at the age of reason is to simply plow everything under and begin anew. But what is most often done is to avoid looking deep, while we coast along mostly on the surface. Putting great value on the most unimportant things is something we all do before we realize the true worth of things not on public display. Name brands... fads... things we possess quickly possess us then any deeper looking is not necessary. Valuing others for their net worth... or yourself for the lack of... well it's simply a flawed equation, with no hope of a valid solution.

Tend your garden. Clear it of all the unhealthy echoes that bloom endlessly into negative thoughts that lead to drama that you wouldn't create if your thinking were sound. Dig deep and plant securely what you want to harvest to make for a richer life. And if you drop seeds in someone else's sacred ground make sure you enhance the yield of healthy growth. The negatives that dare to sprout should never be given the time for their roots to catch hold. Feed wisely on positives; replanting as you harvest and there won't be much space for any weeds to grow. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!    

Letting The Glory Out

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.".... Edwin Markham, 1852-1940, American Poet

Nothing teaches any better than falling face down. I've learned more from my defeats than I could've ever hoped to from my successes. The secret to higher learning by kissing the ground is to instantly look at what it was that you tripped over. Never rush to rise until you understand why you fell. Knowledge gained while sitting in a heap goes soul-deep. Wisdom is power and true wisdom of self will keep you safe in the future when you walk a similar path, so pay attention to details when it matters most.

Learn to view trouble as opportunity for growth. Maybe, just maybe it isn't life trying to bring you down... perhaps it's life trying to wake you up. Simply folding under the pressure like a rag doll in a vice won't do anything but scatter your stuffing everywhere. Tears blind you... self-pity stupefies to the highest degree, so why waste your precious time. Stop reacting to impress the crowd about how wounded you are and impress yourself with the power of learning a hard lesson well enough not to repeat the missteps that landed you in the dirt in the first place. 

Strength comes from exercise. We grow muscles from lifting weights, and wisdom from learning how to rise above the pain. Redistribute the weight then lift it once more and begin real strength training. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

Dormant Talent

Today's Quote: "Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant."-- Horace

I agree with this in the most personal fashion... without the silent years I'd never have found my real voice.  For good or ill all the emotional neglect and brutal times blessed me in ways an easy life never could have. It made me strong, yet left me weak! It forced me to cope when I had no hope. It opened a path between paper and soul... it fractured me yet made me whole. God blessed me with a talent as a reward for walking wounded without a whimper. I'm a real trooper, or so I've been told. I thank Him daily for the blessing that outlived the curse. And I always will!

Some people are born with talents they develop as children and continue honing throughout their lifetime. They come by them naturally... a gentle extension of self. Other people find them by accident and study them until they become second nature. And some of us find a hidden treasure that saves our sanity. There is an internal wholeness that develops so that whenever the rug gets jerked and the floor suddenly disappears there is a solid center that can be depended upon not to collapse.

Whatever talent is born of agony brings with it comfort to all it touches... it's the place where a damaged self has room to heal enough to pass it on to their fellowman. It makes all the difference between changing a willing victim into a wounded warrior. A comic and a clown are said to be funny to battle sadness; they self soothe by bringing laughter and joy to others. All talents have great value, no matter their source... but the passion that comes from pain creates a purpose that is soul-deep. If you were born with one cherish it. If you stumbled on one exercise it. If one was ripped out of you build on it till it can carry your weight and expand it until it is capable of lifting others up as well. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!! 

   

THE ECONOMY OF FORGIVENESS

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits... Hannah More

Forgiveness of others benefits both parties if the forgiven cares to receive that gift with open arms. But the benefit to self happens in any case; no dependence upon anyone's actions, besides your own, will lift that heavy burden. The blame or gain is entirely up to you. Forgive without harboring any expectations. Pardon with sincerity especially when they least deserve it; only handing it out to the most easily forgiven is too effortless to be a big deal. When it's hard to do it's best for you. Believe that!    

The weight of a grudge breaks the back of the one who carries it and more often than not tickles the one it's held against. You may hunger for them to agonize over your hard feelings. You may ache for them to experience negative emotions inspired by guilt. You may possess an entire checklist of ways they ought to suffer for whatever inspired your ire.  You may wish you'd go to bed poor and wake up rich too... but none of those situations is likely to occur.

Don't forgive for their sake... their growth doesn't depend upon your pardon, but yours certainly does. Their peace of mind doesn't hinge upon your mercy or they would seek it by requesting it for themselves. Their soul isn't sick with worry about your pain or they would bring you comfort. Don't try to find sorrow that doesn't exist or you'll simply hurt all the more because of their callous nature.

Forgive them and if it's a bitter pill then swallow it quickly and before you know it you'll taste a sweetness beyond compare. Complete freedom from unnecessary negatives is a reward worth earning. Oh, don't get me wrong... forgiveness and forgetting are two very different actions. Forgiveness has to be 100% without reservation, but forgetting is done by degrees if it is done at all.

The measure of forgetting depends upon many different variables. The amount of effort we put forth toward forgetfulness is totally up to the forgiven. If they're non-repentant then remembering, (without bitterness) is a valuable tool for safety-sake. If their actions reflect a true change then remembering will be an unnecessary weapon that will likely end up wounding both of you if it's ever used. We each change as we grow; punishing the new for rash acts of the old makes no sense. If someone bites you when you're a toddler nothing is served by biting them back once you're grown. People change... let them... help them... congratulate them... forgive them... then forget about something they'd never repeat.

Use an extra large portion of forgiveness on yourself, as well as upon others. Pardon the better you for all the bull-shit of the past... or how else will it ever stop stinking! Have some mercy for the dunce you once were. Have some pity for the you that acted out when wounded. But most of all celebrate the wisdom gained from needless pain and heed the many warnings worthy of distant memory and forget the rest. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!  

 

SELF-RESPECT

TODAY'S QUOTE:
The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs. - Joan Didion

The moment that you stop blaming others for your shortcomings the gate to positive change opens wide. When you dwell on blame you give up the right to earn positive credit for overcoming whatever chaos someone else created in your life. Once excuses are proven useless then any blame or glory belongs solely to you. And how sweet is that? People screw up... they do it to each other... they do it to themselves, but once you notice you're wearing a dunce hat, removing it is easy.

Wearing it for life may seem impossible, but if you don't lift a finger it'll perch on your bean proudly forevermore.  Why spend a whole lifetime   whining about the ugly hat that bad luck and sad circumstances crowned you with? Outgrow it... outsmart it... overthrow it... or outlive it! And once it's gone quickly replace it with one that better suits your soul. But be warned that the steps necessary to remove and replace are the simplest part of this exercise. 

Keeping it off is much more difficult. Doing that requires a mindset adjustment that must be tweaked from time-to-time throughout your lifetime. Altering the way you look at things is the only way to change your reactions. Why rush into action and take the chance of stumbling over your own missteps. Making a molehill mountain takes hardly any time or extra effort, but the struggle to pump the brakes and slow the rotation can be brutal. Repetition is the only way to gain the strength of purpose necessary to become deliberately centered and in control.

We're all walking wounded, shaped by things that were out of our control and our reactions to undeserved pain. We've all lived through, done, or had done to us things that we wish we could change. Letting regrets of the past, or resentment towards anyone guide your footsteps is all too often how we travel a large portion of our journey. The alternative route is hard work that will earn you peace of mind and soul. Self-respect is fed or starved by whatever controls your mindset.

Deliberate action of the positive kind... no matter what negatives you face is a banquet of your own choosing. Automatic over-reactions of the negative sort will starve your soul into submission. It's your kitchen so why not become a chef who stocks wisely and is always prepared to whip up something healthy? Once you decide who is responsible for what happens next blame will be a burden you can't afford to continue carrying. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!     

Future Presents

TODAY'S QUOTE: "Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present."... Albert Camus, 1913-1960, French Author and Philosopher

There is hidden strength sprinkled everywhere inside of every moment that is embraced to its fullest. It is simply impossible to give all to, "right this very minute" if your mind, heart, or soul is fractured with too much worry about what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. Living the here and now takes determination, but the effort creates an internal depth that just cannot be reached any other way. And that is a very good thing!

Pay careful attention to tomorrow when it is your today and there will be nothing much to fret over once it  becomes yesterday. Discovering the pleasure in even the most ordinary moments validates the notion that every minute truly matters. And they truly do. So why not truly engage in the act of living a life with some purpose besides coasting from start to finish. The journey will be so much richer if it is not traveled with a slip n slide kind of mindset.

Every purposeful action requires direction and determination although results vary due to whatever measure of each you possess at any given time. But never leave it to chance. Lessons certainly lay within easy reach, so actively seek out wisdom. Visiting the library, yet never opening a book is not a sensible pastime. And ignoring the treasure of time or the value of wisdom is a fools way of getting by. Our thoughts and actions determine whether the gift of life that we possess is a blessing or a curse. How we unwrap what we were so freely given is totally up to us to decide.

Our lifetime is measured by the sum-total of seconds we spend breathing. Really living adds depth that simply being alive never reaches. The shortest bridge from one to the other is deliberate mindfulness... but it will not erect itself and nobody else can do it for you. Simply breathing, while shadow walking or rut dwelling uses an equal amount of time as really living; the rewards are where the differences exist. Do nothing... get nothing... make a real effort and every moment will become golden in one shade or another. The richest lives are ones where careful attention is given to as many separate moments as is humanly possible.

Use your time wisely or it will march along like a zombie parade... one will feed your brain, while the other will simply make a meal of it. Expand your awareness and multiply your moments... they may number just the same, but they will grow in size, depth, and value. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

A REAL PROBLEM

TODAY'S QUOTE:
If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem...
Richard Bach

Indeed you do...  that kind of dependence creates disastrous conditions inside any relationship. You assign someone else a position guaranteed to fail and resent  every new disappointment. Bitterness grows within them as well due to lofty expectations they can never hope to fulfill.  Everyone is worse off; both are equally unhappy, and all that could have been deep and real is buried under a mountain of negative emotions. The needy one  piles blame and the confused stacks questions until a solid wall separates them... all because of a treasure hunt conducted in the wrong location. The X marks the spot is within you... always has been... always will be. The blessing is yours, and so is the adventure of discovery.

We have the power to enhance someone else's happiness but if we do not possess it on our own any pleasure is short-lived. Other's can complete our happiness, but they cannot create it. They may change our residence, redecorate our surroundings, or upgrade all our conditions, but if our heart is wadded up and our mind is twisted none of that will get us any nearer to true joy. All the puzzle pieces reside within; behind the bitterness... under the poor me... beneath the baggage... scattered far and wide inside and it is up to each of us to gather, sort, select and assemble the best we can.

We may not end up with a perfect likeness of what was intended before all the damage of life began. We may tire of the search long before all the pieces are within reach. The struggle may seem to be hardly worth all the bother. Doubt may whisper and fear may scream, both seeking in their own fashion to discourage further action. The notion of the slim possibility that someone holds the key to our freedom may tempt us to turn our back on the certainty of doing it on our own. Well trust someone who walked that path... you cannot get there on someone else's dime. To earn the profit you have to invest the time. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

THE BOGYMAN

"WHEN THERE IS NO ENEMY WITHIN, THE ENEMIES OUTSIDE CANNOT HURT YOU." ...GERMAN PROVERB

The bogyman is defined as an imaginary monster used to frighten children so the one we are terrified of as wee ones has no power to truly hurt us. It may make us better behaved or more timid in nature, but it is only a figment of our imagination planted by others as a twisted tool to re-direct our behavior or just for sport. We outgrow the dread as we age, but maturity does not put an end to the  bogyman. 

Other people may introduce them to us or we may invent them on our own. However they enter our mind it is not an easy task to get them to exit once they find a comfy seat and plant themselves in it. They weaken our defenses and infect us with self-doubt. They muddle our mind and rob us of any faith we have in our own ability to function past the fear. If we do not evict them quickly they multiply and contaminate all surrounding territory... like a plague upon the brain. We end up housing an army of enemies; self-created, self-destructive, and the war is on.

Do the work. Recapture the castle. Slay the dragons. The war will not be over once the major battle is won; self-preservation demands a valiant warrior's eternal care and protection. A tug of war continues, but we need not fret over our ability to keep the upper hand. Peace is our reward for a job well done. We earn a calm that reaches soul-deep and strength that guarantees nothing external can destroy us without our permission or cooperation. Our spirit is sacred; over crowding it with useless debris, uninvited guests and hateful bogymen is an act of self-mutilation. Stop hurting yourself for the sake of old misdeeds. Cease fearing shadows of what may happen and cope with whatever does. 

Gaze absently at the enemies that linger outside or pass silently by. They cannot reach past our doorway on their own and we must never again be so foolish as to invite them inside. They have no power to wound us once we realize just how very strong we can be when our soul finally resides in the place of peace that all Gods children deserve . Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!          

SELF SPOKEN IMAGES

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Relentless, repetitive self talk is what changes our self-image... Denis Waitley

The simple truth is that it does not matter much what anyone else thinks about us as long as we do not think well of ourselves.  Someone else cannot truly build up what we spend so much time tearing down. We may hear their words and appreciate any admiration of or confidence in us that is expressed, but it is as effective as trying to bind a gapping wound with a band-aid.

During our youth the encouragement and love or lack thereof that we receive from others becomes the framework that we build upon as we age. When our foundation is flawed then building anything of beauty and strength is impossible. We must tear down everything and rebuild, but by the time we realize that fact we are often so careworn and exhausted that the notion of motion is overwhelming.

A mountain of doubt is not easily moved, yet move it we must. To simply settle for a junk yard filled with the mess others made dooms us to a barren existence inside of a manmade slum. If you were not the one who created it then find all the joy possible from dismantling the madness. Make choices that matter soul-deep and create a masterpiece of peace inside of your precious three square feet.

The echoes of past voices may try from time-to-time to speak to the person who used to occupy your space. If you listen closely it is simple to recognize that others often talk bull-shit about you when the stink is really radiating from them. They attempt to utilize you as a ladder to elevate their own opinion of themselves. They speak lies with volume and spite, as if that will alter a wrong into a right. Just be sure that when they remain stuck on stupid that you fly free above such pettiness and seek wisdom inside yourself. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!! 

  

BECOME AN EXCELLENT HABIT

TODAY'S QUOTE:
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle

This is such an important lesson, and this teacher was wise beyond measure. It was just as true when he related it first hand as it is today; most concepts that come from such  a deep thinker never change no matter the length of time that passes. When we view everything we do as a habit, (either good or bad), it is so much easier to grasp our ability to alter our actions to better suit our nature.

Growth demands change. Positive growth demands forethought and dedication to a mindset that does not wobble no matter which way the wind blows. Once we are dead set on a path of positive change there is not anyone or anything that can stop our forward motion. We must be willing to do all we can to improve what goes on inside of our precious 3 feet of personal space. Once we gain positive control there nothing is ever quite the same again.

We soon learn to measure the importance of things that touch our space with an eye always alert for hidden danger. Our actions take on a added meaning as we replace bad or indifferent actions with positive ones and make a habit of repeating them until they become second nature. We become a re-creation that better suits our true self and reflects more clearly our creators true intentions. 

We think and rethink in a deliberate fashion, redecorating our mind with notions that will demand we become better in some way with actions that promote a blooming spirit. A habit is an automatic pattern of behavior... so flip off auto pilot and steer manually toward a better self. Think about it... Let it ride... Then decide!!! 
  

PERSONAL SUCCESS

TODAY'S QUOTE:
Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. - Zig Ziglar

Trying can be a triumph all its own once any effort at all becomes a burden to the weary and faint of heart. Life takes strength of every sort to just break even sometimes. Any weak point can wobble the whole structure, but possessing even a speck of hope, or a grain of faith will keep you centered until all the fragments can reconnect. The floor may slant, the walls may  buckle, but the right point of view will transform the imperfections into a uniquely fashioned masterpiece. Reconstruction is mandatory or failure is certain.

The attempt alone matters in ways that are impossible to explain to anyone who has not been knocked to their knees, or tossed face-first too many times to calculate. Unless you have been there and done that there are no battle scars to compare. The cost of every tumble and the effort needed to rise again is multiplied with each new challenge. The trick is to die trying rather than committing soul suicide by not trying at all. Just the thought of silent surrender will drive even the weariest warrior to action. Speed may vary, but it is a personal journey, not a public race.

Viewing the rate of acceleration as a point of success will only add to the effort necessary to take any steps at all. Counting the times of landing is not a positive pastime either; it is the number of standings that measure the strength we possess. We cannot control what life tosses in our path, but we can master our point of view and alter our actions to better reflect a victorious nature. The only other alternative is to simply be satisfied to settle into the role of victim. The choice is easy enough... if the price is costly then the rewards will be priceless. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!