TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either."... Golda Meir
The depth of despair we experience dictates the same measure of joy when we find it, but it will not come find us the same way heartaches seem to seek us out when we are unaware. I have been blindsided by misfortune too many times to count, but pure delight has most often been a destination I had to plot my own course toward and find my own transportation to visit.
I began by unpacking the ridiculously heavy baggage I had been dragging along for ages. I quickly discovered that most of the items inside did not even belong to me. I returned what I could and trashed the rest so I would have room for any items I would truly need for a journey of a lifetime. There is nothing worse than only having winter clothes when you find yourself suddenly in the tropics. Foul weather gear is handy, but should never be the only wardrobe you own. Pack for success... not for sorrow... give hopelessness a rest... and dress for a happier tomorrow. Hell, if you have to carry it yourself, why not make it as light as possible?
Since even a small cloud can blot out the brightest sunshine be careful that you are not dragging one of your own construction along overhead. Fix it if you can... accept what you cannot alter... and move along. Building a monument out of sorrow then living in its shadow is a foolish waste of a lifetime. Negatives are powerful, but there is no law that says we have to live inside the tight boundaries they dictate.
A mind will follow the directions of a cheerful heart just as easily as it will any other, and choice not chance will elect what drives you during the journey. Choose wisely, because there is after all only one voyage per customer. God bless... and as always... think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Courage Practice
TODAY'S QUOTE:"We learn to fly not by becoming fearless, but by the daily practice of courage."... Sam Keen
If flight is your dream, it is first necessary to spread your wings and take a huge leap of faith into the unknown. It demands belief in self and more courage than most of us possess, or are willing to cultivate. Some spend their whole lives fighting primal urges for freedom of one sort or another, simply because the rut they own holds less terror than unmapped territory. There is less fear, but the trade off for settling on what is... is that you never, ever will get to know what could be... and believe me, that is a bitter pill that never gets fully swallowed.
Soaring is within reach, yet all too few take the trouble to seek their true hearts desire. Fear is not our friend, so why do we so often make it our constant companion? Terror has dug more bottomless pits and buried more good people than I like to even imagine. I know this because I used to reside in one, before I finally got a clue and became more afraid of being forever satisfied with the status-quo than I was of leaping headlong into the unknown. The one good thing about most ruts is that it is possible to return to one formerly abandoned or build another, even though most people who escape never have an urge to begin digging again.
Life is meant to be lived by taking upward steps, one after another toward first one goal... and then the next, so our golden years are not a time of bitter regret. Any fear we face head-on shrinks to nothing, quickly losing any power we gave it by embracing it in the first place. Have the courage to take the first step... and the next one will be much less terrifying. Sure there are times when we will trip up and land on our face, or slip and slide to a lower level, but the stairs remain stationary. No searching for their location is ever necessary, remounting is all that is really required, but do not simply stand there waiting aimlessly for the escalator... lift one foot at a time and climb on. God bless and... think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!
If flight is your dream, it is first necessary to spread your wings and take a huge leap of faith into the unknown. It demands belief in self and more courage than most of us possess, or are willing to cultivate. Some spend their whole lives fighting primal urges for freedom of one sort or another, simply because the rut they own holds less terror than unmapped territory. There is less fear, but the trade off for settling on what is... is that you never, ever will get to know what could be... and believe me, that is a bitter pill that never gets fully swallowed.
Soaring is within reach, yet all too few take the trouble to seek their true hearts desire. Fear is not our friend, so why do we so often make it our constant companion? Terror has dug more bottomless pits and buried more good people than I like to even imagine. I know this because I used to reside in one, before I finally got a clue and became more afraid of being forever satisfied with the status-quo than I was of leaping headlong into the unknown. The one good thing about most ruts is that it is possible to return to one formerly abandoned or build another, even though most people who escape never have an urge to begin digging again.
Life is meant to be lived by taking upward steps, one after another toward first one goal... and then the next, so our golden years are not a time of bitter regret. Any fear we face head-on shrinks to nothing, quickly losing any power we gave it by embracing it in the first place. Have the courage to take the first step... and the next one will be much less terrifying. Sure there are times when we will trip up and land on our face, or slip and slide to a lower level, but the stairs remain stationary. No searching for their location is ever necessary, remounting is all that is really required, but do not simply stand there waiting aimlessly for the escalator... lift one foot at a time and climb on. God bless and... think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Saying Something Worth A Listen
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. -Plato
None of us reflect wisdom in every single word we utter, but some are foolish way too often to be worth the energy it takes to pay attention. The real difference between the wise and the foolish is the former has the good sense to shut-up when they find themselves beginning to babble, while the latter simply babbles on... and on... and endlessly on.
Inserting a wise word, sidewards or otherwise is a useless task, akin to trying to stop a waterfall with a sponge. When a mouth is open the ears are shut; listening to themselves prevents them from hearing anyone else anyway. You can waste time, waiting until they take a breath, but I warn you that some can prattle an astonishing amount of time without an inhale of any size. You can try to change the subject. Nine times out of ten even if you succeed in altering the direction of the conversation once they get a second wind it quickly evolves into just another chat for one.
Silence makes some people very nervous. Quiet demands that we pay attention to ourselves... many don't like what they hear there, so they pollute the air with idle chatter without end to drown out the internal voices. Personal panic put to use in the only way that eases their torment. I view it as a form of self-protection so I leave them to it and just use it as background noise, while I spin my own notions.
Some people chatter because they are too silent at home, once they begin it is often difficult to stem the flow. Others are like puppies wagging their tongues instead of the tails they don't possess. Whatever their motivation there is little or no value in trying to alter behavior that brings them comfort. The only control we possess is over our own language and how we present it to our fellowman. Auto pilot just isn't a wise choice for either the mind or the mouth.
Everything I say isn't wise, by any means, but most times I attempt to make what I utter worth the bother. If I pay attention, and get bored it's a sure bet that whomever I'm talking to will quickly mute me in their mind... so why waste my words??? I can talk to myself without making a sound; the use of a few extra moments to consider if what I plan to say is worthy of voicing has often kept the jester inside of me firmly in check. It's always wiser to stop the fool before he has the chance to begin than it is to wait and be held responsible for cleaning up any mess he leaves behind. God bless, and as always... think about it... let it ride... then you decide!!!
None of us reflect wisdom in every single word we utter, but some are foolish way too often to be worth the energy it takes to pay attention. The real difference between the wise and the foolish is the former has the good sense to shut-up when they find themselves beginning to babble, while the latter simply babbles on... and on... and endlessly on.
Inserting a wise word, sidewards or otherwise is a useless task, akin to trying to stop a waterfall with a sponge. When a mouth is open the ears are shut; listening to themselves prevents them from hearing anyone else anyway. You can waste time, waiting until they take a breath, but I warn you that some can prattle an astonishing amount of time without an inhale of any size. You can try to change the subject. Nine times out of ten even if you succeed in altering the direction of the conversation once they get a second wind it quickly evolves into just another chat for one.
Silence makes some people very nervous. Quiet demands that we pay attention to ourselves... many don't like what they hear there, so they pollute the air with idle chatter without end to drown out the internal voices. Personal panic put to use in the only way that eases their torment. I view it as a form of self-protection so I leave them to it and just use it as background noise, while I spin my own notions.
Some people chatter because they are too silent at home, once they begin it is often difficult to stem the flow. Others are like puppies wagging their tongues instead of the tails they don't possess. Whatever their motivation there is little or no value in trying to alter behavior that brings them comfort. The only control we possess is over our own language and how we present it to our fellowman. Auto pilot just isn't a wise choice for either the mind or the mouth.
Everything I say isn't wise, by any means, but most times I attempt to make what I utter worth the bother. If I pay attention, and get bored it's a sure bet that whomever I'm talking to will quickly mute me in their mind... so why waste my words??? I can talk to myself without making a sound; the use of a few extra moments to consider if what I plan to say is worthy of voicing has often kept the jester inside of me firmly in check. It's always wiser to stop the fool before he has the chance to begin than it is to wait and be held responsible for cleaning up any mess he leaves behind. God bless, and as always... think about it... let it ride... then you decide!!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Real Misfortune
TODAY'S QUOTE:
"It is the Law that any difficulties that can come to you at any time, no matter what they are, must be exactly what you need most at the moment, to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them. The only real misfortune, the only real tragedy, comes when we suffer without learning the lesson."... Emmet Fox
Learning everything possible from any misfortune gives profound meaning to every ache and pain suffered while traveling from boarder-to-boarder through its barren landscape. Validation does not happen instantly, or without effort... but come it surely will; discover the hidden lessons and practice their almost magical equations then looking back is easily done with a sense of achievement. No matter the trial... if you embrace the natural flow and direct your attention deep inside, all answers are there.
Bad shit happens to us all, wallowing in the pain truly isn't necessary... or advisable in my estimation. Pay what it demands, but do your very best to not over tip; it won't do anything except multiply your suffering, without any added dividends. Once you give it its due then take a step back and regroup, looking closely at how it can be used to your advantage. Growth isn't pain free, so if you're suffering anyway what better use can your condition have than to be a vehicle for use to a higher road.
Early pioneers went through hell to cross vast landscapes to reach their goal, and I imagine it made the destination all the more precious. Some went blindly, not knowing what they would face, but most had enough information to fully realize what laid ahead. Astronaut's go through many years of grueling training before they ever reach the stars. Suffering is every humans birthright... but overcoming has the same inherent qualities; the only difference is the former comes to you without the asking, while the latter is something you have to actively seek. God bless, and as always... think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!
"It is the Law that any difficulties that can come to you at any time, no matter what they are, must be exactly what you need most at the moment, to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them. The only real misfortune, the only real tragedy, comes when we suffer without learning the lesson."... Emmet Fox
Learning everything possible from any misfortune gives profound meaning to every ache and pain suffered while traveling from boarder-to-boarder through its barren landscape. Validation does not happen instantly, or without effort... but come it surely will; discover the hidden lessons and practice their almost magical equations then looking back is easily done with a sense of achievement. No matter the trial... if you embrace the natural flow and direct your attention deep inside, all answers are there.
Bad shit happens to us all, wallowing in the pain truly isn't necessary... or advisable in my estimation. Pay what it demands, but do your very best to not over tip; it won't do anything except multiply your suffering, without any added dividends. Once you give it its due then take a step back and regroup, looking closely at how it can be used to your advantage. Growth isn't pain free, so if you're suffering anyway what better use can your condition have than to be a vehicle for use to a higher road.
Early pioneers went through hell to cross vast landscapes to reach their goal, and I imagine it made the destination all the more precious. Some went blindly, not knowing what they would face, but most had enough information to fully realize what laid ahead. Astronaut's go through many years of grueling training before they ever reach the stars. Suffering is every humans birthright... but overcoming has the same inherent qualities; the only difference is the former comes to you without the asking, while the latter is something you have to actively seek. God bless, and as always... think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Measuring Grief
Heartache takes its pound of flesh however it can, one way or another the bill will surely come. Even though there is no way to avoid the cost of grief, we do have some valuable choices in how we pay the bill.
With some forethought and determination we do not have to be bankrupt by any sorrow, no matter its source. In fact the overcoming of it can inspire strengths we did not even imagine we possessed. I have found it to be one of the best teachers... brutal yes, but invaluable to my growth as a human being.
I do not welcome it, yet I do not run from it either... any warrior who hopes to be forged stronger by the fire faces it with as much valor as possible. I like to imagine that the measure of agony I feel for any loss is equal to the joy I experienced at having it in the first place. That way it is an honor to grieve and not simply a burden.
Some things are sad by nature, fighting against it only makes it more demanding. So when I pay, I do so at a speed that I can handle paying careful attention to any lessons involved.
No two people grieve the same; we do not even necessarily agonize over the same things. It does not matter what it is you carry or why. What matters most is how you carry it. Are you in its power, or is it under your control. Do you honor it or does it dishonor you. Do you rise above or wallow below. All these are choices freely made, but without deep thinking they are impossible to make.
Giving your life to something lost will not bring it back. But honoring its memory with just payment, proudly made will add to the joy it gave. I had to redefine how I looked at grief before I could come to terms with the mountain of it I possessed from countless sources. Nowadays, I pay what it demands, but nothing more. And what it asks is never more than I can afford.
Pain is like broken glass. What is held inside will keep flying around with the force of a whirlwind of emotion, causing constant internal bleeding? Wounds never get a chance to heal as long as we carry the active pain and allow it to keep doing its damage. Honor it, learn from it, overcome it, then any scars are points of pride. I wrote the following poem about grief and place it here, because it is a perfect fit for the subject at hand. I hope it shows my understanding of all pain, no matter its source. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then YOU decide!!!!
Measuring Grief
How much sorrow is there to a pound,
What decibel limit rules despairs haunted sound?
How many tears make up an even mile,
And what is fair punishment for stealing a smile?
How much misery equals an inch,
What balance of pain reaches perfect pitch?
How many ounces of melancholy can a broken heart hold,
And what stems the current when it finally overflows?
Each ache is different, that much is true,
What wounds me doesn't necessarily bother you.
So there is no equal measure that fits every pain,
Because your grief and mine are never quite the same.
c 2004 Glenda Alexander
With some forethought and determination we do not have to be bankrupt by any sorrow, no matter its source. In fact the overcoming of it can inspire strengths we did not even imagine we possessed. I have found it to be one of the best teachers... brutal yes, but invaluable to my growth as a human being.
I do not welcome it, yet I do not run from it either... any warrior who hopes to be forged stronger by the fire faces it with as much valor as possible. I like to imagine that the measure of agony I feel for any loss is equal to the joy I experienced at having it in the first place. That way it is an honor to grieve and not simply a burden.
Some things are sad by nature, fighting against it only makes it more demanding. So when I pay, I do so at a speed that I can handle paying careful attention to any lessons involved.
No two people grieve the same; we do not even necessarily agonize over the same things. It does not matter what it is you carry or why. What matters most is how you carry it. Are you in its power, or is it under your control. Do you honor it or does it dishonor you. Do you rise above or wallow below. All these are choices freely made, but without deep thinking they are impossible to make.
Giving your life to something lost will not bring it back. But honoring its memory with just payment, proudly made will add to the joy it gave. I had to redefine how I looked at grief before I could come to terms with the mountain of it I possessed from countless sources. Nowadays, I pay what it demands, but nothing more. And what it asks is never more than I can afford.
Pain is like broken glass. What is held inside will keep flying around with the force of a whirlwind of emotion, causing constant internal bleeding? Wounds never get a chance to heal as long as we carry the active pain and allow it to keep doing its damage. Honor it, learn from it, overcome it, then any scars are points of pride. I wrote the following poem about grief and place it here, because it is a perfect fit for the subject at hand. I hope it shows my understanding of all pain, no matter its source. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then YOU decide!!!!
Measuring Grief
How much sorrow is there to a pound,
What decibel limit rules despairs haunted sound?
How many tears make up an even mile,
And what is fair punishment for stealing a smile?
How much misery equals an inch,
What balance of pain reaches perfect pitch?
How many ounces of melancholy can a broken heart hold,
And what stems the current when it finally overflows?
Each ache is different, that much is true,
What wounds me doesn't necessarily bother you.
So there is no equal measure that fits every pain,
Because your grief and mine are never quite the same.
c 2004 Glenda Alexander
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The Power of Forgiveness
Once one second ticks into the next it becomes a forever over moment. The outcome cannot be altered by keeping it within sight, but focusing on yesterday can definitely steal today and limit every single tomorrow. Dwelling upon any event that cannot be changed anchors us to the exact point of its origin, and the more desperately we grasp the harder it is to let go.
The urge for validation often gets in the way of forgiveness. Things better left alone are picked to pieces for the sake of being right. Sometimes we fight over things not worth the effort then hold grudges like they are winning lottery tickets and show them to anyone who even looks in our direction. Dwelling on it becomes the moving force in our lives, and destroys all healthy tissue in its path.
On my fortieth birthday I had an awakening that changed and enriched my lift to limits not even imagined. My exact thoughts were… forty more years of this… then the nursing home… then the cemetery…. I DON’T THINK SOOOOO!!!!! I stood up, not violently in spite, but determined to reclaim a self I had never even met. I had spent my whole life just trying to fit into patterns first drawn by my parents then by my husband. I had no real knowledge of who the hell I was, but I dug deep and finally found my core.
The things that wound us also make us stronger. Overcoming obstacles demands a strength that has to be reached for; nothing comes automatically during that painful process. Limitations are most often times self-applied and they can only be removed in the same fashion. Determination to get past the past is the sharpest tool we have for digging our way out of any hole we find ourselves trapped inside of and the amount of muscle applied determines just how long we remain stuck in a prison of our own construction.
It is sometimes brutal to be in charge of such things; it is so much easier to blame others for our issues than it is to take responsibility ourselves and do something to change our reality. We may like to use the blame game to gain sympathy or assign guilt, but in the end it always rests on our own doorstep. I would much rather climb a mountain barefooted than simply stand at its base with a rock in my shoe and whine about a blister that is stopping me from taking any steps at all.
Looking backward never would have gotten me ahead once its lessons were truly learned. Living every moment to its fullest was the only way to give real honor to whatever strength was fairly earned from whatever came before the then and there. Blame is a poison that leaves a trail of bitterness and makes us old long before our time. I could never have gotten to a forgiving point if I had not laid the blame down and walked away.
To me it just did not matter who was at fault for the past once I decided to change the present and build a better future. Others might have been to blame for the things they did to me, but I was at fault for whatever weight I measured their offences with and the distance it was willingly carried.
Life is mostly what we make of it, no matter how hopeless it may seem sometimes. Energy is something that can be directed, and using it to point fingers just leaves less for more important issues. Acting the eternal victim is a role that gives the wounding the lead position. Building a monument to a wrong seems such a wasted use of limited space. And none of us are blame-free, no matter how much we would like to think otherwise.
A bud that never opens is a flower never seen. We are born in full bloom, but living often constricts us into a life long bud state. Our true colors remain hidden, even from ourselves. And the garden where even one flower refuses to bloom is made less beautiful than it was meant to be. The process of unclenching your bud can feel like breathing glass… but once one petal unfolds a bit, all others struggle to follow. There is no half way point with blooming; we either stay wadded tight or open completely and the choice is always up to us to make.
I forgive… it takes time sometimes and effort always, yet I have found that to withhold forgiveness means I have to willingly embrace the negative emotions that blame inspires. I would have to build a fire under them to keep their intensity constant or add fuel to allow it to boil over. And exploding once is not always enough to guarantee an end to it. Holding it close and reheating it seems too much trouble for something that makes me feel so dreadful.
We all have baggage, but what is packed within is truly in our power to regulate. I saw the debris in my trunk and carefully sorted it with grim determination to free myself from a load that was much too heavy to carry for a lifetime. I gently returned every item that I had not placed there myself to their rightful owners. After other peoples’ garbage was safely removed I examined what was truly mine and found that most of it was trash too. What did not apply I tossed; once that was accomplished I had a lot of space to fill, and packing it has been a pure delight.
The relationship I have now is unlike any I have ever known, and my joy in it is magnified by every ounce of agony involved in reaching its safe shore. We are not perfect people, by any stretch of the imagination, but we are perfect for each other. We both possess scares, healed now by time and change of attitude. Without my exercise of total forgiveness and my exorcism of past demons I would have nothing of value left to invest in this treasure. If I had been intent on looking backward I would never have seen this diamond in the dust on the path that led me here.
An unlimited future is… the real power of forgiveness. We must grasp it with both hands so letting go of the past is the only way to achieve complete success; true happiness deserves our full attention and the future our complete dedication. Think about it… let it ride… then decide!!!
The urge for validation often gets in the way of forgiveness. Things better left alone are picked to pieces for the sake of being right. Sometimes we fight over things not worth the effort then hold grudges like they are winning lottery tickets and show them to anyone who even looks in our direction. Dwelling on it becomes the moving force in our lives, and destroys all healthy tissue in its path.
On my fortieth birthday I had an awakening that changed and enriched my lift to limits not even imagined. My exact thoughts were… forty more years of this… then the nursing home… then the cemetery…. I DON’T THINK SOOOOO!!!!! I stood up, not violently in spite, but determined to reclaim a self I had never even met. I had spent my whole life just trying to fit into patterns first drawn by my parents then by my husband. I had no real knowledge of who the hell I was, but I dug deep and finally found my core.
The things that wound us also make us stronger. Overcoming obstacles demands a strength that has to be reached for; nothing comes automatically during that painful process. Limitations are most often times self-applied and they can only be removed in the same fashion. Determination to get past the past is the sharpest tool we have for digging our way out of any hole we find ourselves trapped inside of and the amount of muscle applied determines just how long we remain stuck in a prison of our own construction.
It is sometimes brutal to be in charge of such things; it is so much easier to blame others for our issues than it is to take responsibility ourselves and do something to change our reality. We may like to use the blame game to gain sympathy or assign guilt, but in the end it always rests on our own doorstep. I would much rather climb a mountain barefooted than simply stand at its base with a rock in my shoe and whine about a blister that is stopping me from taking any steps at all.
Looking backward never would have gotten me ahead once its lessons were truly learned. Living every moment to its fullest was the only way to give real honor to whatever strength was fairly earned from whatever came before the then and there. Blame is a poison that leaves a trail of bitterness and makes us old long before our time. I could never have gotten to a forgiving point if I had not laid the blame down and walked away.
To me it just did not matter who was at fault for the past once I decided to change the present and build a better future. Others might have been to blame for the things they did to me, but I was at fault for whatever weight I measured their offences with and the distance it was willingly carried.
Life is mostly what we make of it, no matter how hopeless it may seem sometimes. Energy is something that can be directed, and using it to point fingers just leaves less for more important issues. Acting the eternal victim is a role that gives the wounding the lead position. Building a monument to a wrong seems such a wasted use of limited space. And none of us are blame-free, no matter how much we would like to think otherwise.
A bud that never opens is a flower never seen. We are born in full bloom, but living often constricts us into a life long bud state. Our true colors remain hidden, even from ourselves. And the garden where even one flower refuses to bloom is made less beautiful than it was meant to be. The process of unclenching your bud can feel like breathing glass… but once one petal unfolds a bit, all others struggle to follow. There is no half way point with blooming; we either stay wadded tight or open completely and the choice is always up to us to make.
I forgive… it takes time sometimes and effort always, yet I have found that to withhold forgiveness means I have to willingly embrace the negative emotions that blame inspires. I would have to build a fire under them to keep their intensity constant or add fuel to allow it to boil over. And exploding once is not always enough to guarantee an end to it. Holding it close and reheating it seems too much trouble for something that makes me feel so dreadful.
We all have baggage, but what is packed within is truly in our power to regulate. I saw the debris in my trunk and carefully sorted it with grim determination to free myself from a load that was much too heavy to carry for a lifetime. I gently returned every item that I had not placed there myself to their rightful owners. After other peoples’ garbage was safely removed I examined what was truly mine and found that most of it was trash too. What did not apply I tossed; once that was accomplished I had a lot of space to fill, and packing it has been a pure delight.
The relationship I have now is unlike any I have ever known, and my joy in it is magnified by every ounce of agony involved in reaching its safe shore. We are not perfect people, by any stretch of the imagination, but we are perfect for each other. We both possess scares, healed now by time and change of attitude. Without my exercise of total forgiveness and my exorcism of past demons I would have nothing of value left to invest in this treasure. If I had been intent on looking backward I would never have seen this diamond in the dust on the path that led me here.
An unlimited future is… the real power of forgiveness. We must grasp it with both hands so letting go of the past is the only way to achieve complete success; true happiness deserves our full attention and the future our complete dedication. Think about it… let it ride… then decide!!!
Thursday, March 05, 2009
The TIme Clock Dragon
I haven't written here in ages... fact is I haven't composed anything anywhere for longer than I like to admit, even to myself. Life has demanded things from me that often use up more energy than I have to spare, but soon I hope to have a firmer hold on all things within my reach. This small effort is in itself an opening of a beloved door, and a lingering glance into the place where my soul will forever reside.
I love the irony of life, even when it's kicking my ass... and well lately I've certainly been on the boot-tip end of the equation. What makes it worse is the fact that every kick is powered in intensity by my own actions... or lack thereof. Tripping over a ball you drop in your own path just isn't any kind of fun, and when you're part of a team that multiplies the negatives.
I'm doing my best, at work, to master the various tasks set before me, yet the one that should be the very easiest of all has evolved into the hardest. I mean how difficult is it to remember to clock in and out for breaks and lunch? Apparently it's not as simple as the directions imply, because this woman, who has faced and conquered so many obstacles, is creating issues where there should be none.
It's not negotiable; no amount of pressure will bend it to fit my behavior. I haven't a clue why something so important to the powers that be, and so stressful to me isn't simply a dragon quite easily slain. What I do know, though, is that if I don't kill the beast... it may very well end up killing me.
Soooo... tonight I ordered a watch with an alarm. I searched for one that worked like a shock collar then perhaps in a few days I'd be properly break and lunch trained, but I settled for what was available. I'd much rather look like an big idiot, beeping every two hours than look even a little bit unemployed.
I love my job and adore my teammates; success there is more important than I could ever hope to explain, so my task is set... all that remains is its mastering. Many beasts have tried to devoured me... I just cannot for the life of me imagine getting chewed and spit out by a time clock. Once I have my foot firmly on this dragons ugly neck, I'll reclaim my space here and renew my efforts to get one novel published, another edited, another finished, and another begun... but for now the dragon owns me, it seems!!!
I love the irony of life, even when it's kicking my ass... and well lately I've certainly been on the boot-tip end of the equation. What makes it worse is the fact that every kick is powered in intensity by my own actions... or lack thereof. Tripping over a ball you drop in your own path just isn't any kind of fun, and when you're part of a team that multiplies the negatives.
I'm doing my best, at work, to master the various tasks set before me, yet the one that should be the very easiest of all has evolved into the hardest. I mean how difficult is it to remember to clock in and out for breaks and lunch? Apparently it's not as simple as the directions imply, because this woman, who has faced and conquered so many obstacles, is creating issues where there should be none.
It's not negotiable; no amount of pressure will bend it to fit my behavior. I haven't a clue why something so important to the powers that be, and so stressful to me isn't simply a dragon quite easily slain. What I do know, though, is that if I don't kill the beast... it may very well end up killing me.
Soooo... tonight I ordered a watch with an alarm. I searched for one that worked like a shock collar then perhaps in a few days I'd be properly break and lunch trained, but I settled for what was available. I'd much rather look like an big idiot, beeping every two hours than look even a little bit unemployed.
I love my job and adore my teammates; success there is more important than I could ever hope to explain, so my task is set... all that remains is its mastering. Many beasts have tried to devoured me... I just cannot for the life of me imagine getting chewed and spit out by a time clock. Once I have my foot firmly on this dragons ugly neck, I'll reclaim my space here and renew my efforts to get one novel published, another edited, another finished, and another begun... but for now the dragon owns me, it seems!!!
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