Measuring Grief

Heartache takes its pound of flesh however it can, one way or another the bill will surely come. Even though there is no way to avoid the cost of grief, we do have some valuable choices in how we pay the bill.

With some forethought and determination we do not have to be bankrupt by any sorrow, no matter its source. In fact the overcoming of it can inspire strengths we did not even imagine we possessed. I have found it to be one of the best teachers... brutal yes, but invaluable to my growth as a human being.

I do not welcome it, yet I do not run from it either... any warrior who hopes to be forged stronger by the fire faces it with as much valor as possible. I like to imagine that the measure of agony I feel for any loss is equal to the joy I experienced at having it in the first place. That way it is an honor to grieve and not simply a burden.

Some things are sad by nature, fighting against it only makes it more demanding. So when I pay, I do so at a speed that I can handle paying careful attention to any lessons involved.

No two people grieve the same; we do not even necessarily agonize over the same things. It does not matter what it is you carry or why. What matters most is how you carry it. Are you in its power, or is it under your control. Do you honor it or does it dishonor you. Do you rise above or wallow below. All these are choices freely made, but without deep thinking they are impossible to make.

Giving your life to something lost will not bring it back. But honoring its memory with just payment, proudly made will add to the joy it gave. I had to redefine how I looked at grief before I could come to terms with the mountain of it I possessed from countless sources. Nowadays, I pay what it demands, but nothing more. And what it asks is never more than I can afford.

Pain is like broken glass. What is held inside will keep flying around with the force of a whirlwind of emotion, causing constant internal bleeding? Wounds never get a chance to heal as long as we carry the active pain and allow it to keep doing its damage. Honor it, learn from it, overcome it, then any scars are points of pride. I wrote the following poem about grief and place it here, because it is a perfect fit for the subject at hand. I hope it shows my understanding of all pain, no matter its source. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then YOU decide!!!!

Measuring Grief

How much sorrow is there to a pound,
What decibel limit rules despairs haunted sound?
How many tears make up an even mile,
And what is fair punishment for stealing a smile?

How much misery equals an inch,
What balance of pain reaches perfect pitch?
How many ounces of melancholy can a broken heart hold,
And what stems the current when it finally overflows?

Each ache is different, that much is true,
What wounds me doesn't necessarily bother you.
So there is no equal measure that fits every pain,
Because your grief and mine are never quite the same.
c 2004 Glenda Alexander