THREE SQUARE FEET OF HAPPINESS

TODAY'S QUOTE:

"When what we are is what we want to be, that's happiness."... Malcolm S. Forbes, 1917-1990, American Publisher

The right to happiness is every humans birthright. As children we take what we're given... good or bad beginnings often simply depend on who's been sleeping with whom. No infant can choose their parents, siblings, extended family, wealth or lack thereof, or location of birth. We get what we get. As children we're not to blame for any mess made by adults, although many of us suffered punishment as if we were.

Making the best of it is often all the defense we have, until we outgrow or overthrow our governing forces. If that sounds a lot like war, for some it truly is.... if it wasn't a long battle for you then take a moment to tell your family how grateful you are for a healthy head start toward happiness. If you're one of the warriors then fight the urge to focus on how unfair it all seems.

It wasn't fair, but you survived it, and sucking on it won't make it taste any better. Life isn't fair. We all carry some kind of burden that we never deserved. Mean people, angry people, damaged people may have robbed you of a happy start, but unless you allow them the power yourself they cannot steal a happy ending. They held you captive once upon a time, don't remain a prisoner by choice.   

Every adult is responsible for whatever goes on inside of their own three feet of personal space. The people we place beside us, and the level of the control we give them is also in our hands. I took almost an entire lifetime to understand this. I kept thinking if I didn't hurt others that would keep me safe from harm. What a fool I was... but I had the best of intentions.

I believed that my happiness depended on someone else. I tried to become whatever others wished me to be... then they would be happy... andddddddddddddd then finally I would be happy too. I know that's not true now. I know the only true happiness comes from the inside out. And to find that you have to be who you were truly meant to be.

Approving of yourself is the most precious feeling. Fitting in your own skin is true happiness. Finding someone who allows you to be, "real" without punishing you for it is icing on the cake. I'd be just as happy eating my cake free of icing, but it's so much sweeter now that I have icing available.

Remembering all the years I went hungry is used only to count my blessings, not to assign blame. Wherever life takes me.... whatever mountains I must cross.... as long as I'm master of my three feet... I'll know true happiness. It's a privilege I fought hard to attain, and a birthright I finally obtained. Think about it.... Let it ride.... Then decide!!!!   

Imaginary Sorrow

TODAY'S QUOTE:

"There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them."... Josh Billings

I've been conditioned from birth on to worry overmuch. What nature and nurture didn't teach, I learned at the hands of a husband who produced things to worry about by the thousands. He couldn't be bothered with finding solutions... problems where his specialty.

My mother fretted endlessly about what other people thought, while my father worried about nothing much at all that didn't involve a boat, a fish, a stereo, or a truck. My husband plotted endlessly about how to get hold of a dollar without breaking a sweat. Perspiration was my part... shame was my burden... abuse was my bedfellow.

Was is such a wonderful word. What was cannot become what is, without our permission. Learning that changed forever my perception of any worrisome situation. Shit-full is such an empowering emotion. When I decided to divorce myself from my fathers indifference, my mothers endless criticism, and my husbands tiresome demands I found I had very little to truly worry about. I don't fret over what was, I do my best nowadays to live happily within what is... or work toward what can be... was is over.


I try to only fret, if fret I must, about the things I can alter somehow. Most days I succeed. Old habits die hard though, so from time-to-time I get bitten by a deep dread of some sort or another. Imagined outcomes most often hold more danger and drama than what reality could contain.

Talking myself into waiting for the real thing isn't a difficult task. I refuse to be pestered for very long by any fictional dilemma. I've simply got too much factual happiness at stake. Refusing worry isn't a sin... it's a delight... worthy of the effort. Think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!! 

THE FIRST STEP

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"The first step towards change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do. It's something you allow." ....Will Garcia

The first step is always the most difficult, but without taking it we cannot expect to get anywhere worth going. Acceptance of our own shortcomings is not an easy task; judging ourselves more harshly than anyone else ever would is a common human fallacy each of us must battle to win the war. Let's face facts... it is much easier to place blame than it is too attempt change.

The monster we know may be less frightening than facing the unknown, but a life spent wrestling the same opponent is too much like running in place to be the wise thing to do. Performing the same action and expecting a different outcome is a fool favorite pastime. It seems wiser to crawl out on the limb and chance a fall than to endlessly chase your tail at the base of the tree.

Failure has its rewards too, and the chance of victory is worth the risk. Lessons learnt the hard way are usually mistakes you only make once and their benefit is life-long. Alterations are often necessary so that the life you live more closely fits who you really are. Seeing change as an enemy is a twisted perception, it more often foretells blessing than curse. I fear stagnation much more fiercely than I ever have any adjustments needed to move forward.

The motions required to change for the better are a firm foot on the gas and steady hands on the wheel. Belief in your power to succeed must be soul-deep and begins with desire that is grown in the brain then harvested through deliberate actions. As humans we have the power needed, but unless it is tapped it is a pointless possession. It is like keeping a new car in the garage and walking instead. Any blisters are self-inflicted pain that has no possible gain. Use of the tools you possess builds the strongest structures, so erect something that will serve you well during the worst of times.

As an added bonus I am adding another quote that I just received today. It fits like a glove, so pull it on and dream with confidence then act without delay. Life is too short to travel through it with feet that drag and a head bowed as if in shame. Look up, look forward, and really live before time runs out. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

"To dream anything that you want to dream, that is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do, that is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself, to test your limits, that is the courage to succeed." -- Bernard Edmonds

COTTON CANDY PROMISES

Today's Quote:
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one. – George Washington, 1732-1799, 1st President of the United States

It would be wonderful if we could get through life without doing anything that needs to be excused. But no matter how we try that just isn't possible. The best that we can hope for is that the measure of our offences stays below our ability to make them right somehow. Excuses mean less and less the more often they are tendered. It's always better to change a behavior than alter our alibis.

Taking responsibility demands facing our faults, swallowing misplaced pride, shrinking a puffed up ego, and thinking of what can be done to avoid repeating the offence. That's hard work. It's much easier to think up clever ways to arrange words to earn a pardon. Words as sweet as cotton candy may be ingested by a hopeful listener, and forgiveness fully granted. If momentary relief is all you're after words are the way to go.

But be warned... even the most hopeful listener soon tires of lame excuses, no matter how nicely arranged. Their ears may have been  sugar coated, but trust me their eyes were waiting for the actions that matched the phrases. Cotton candy promises are fine and dandy... words spun like sugar, can ease a hungry soul. But eaten alone, without any action to follow... will leave a disappointed spirit starved and hollow.

I'm not suggesting that if you have sweet words to not use them. But if words are all you possess then save them. I'd be able to add years to my life if I could gather up all the time I wasted swallowing cotton candy pledges. When actions finally came from my main tormentor he didn't say anything. No excuses were given, no promises made... he simply changed the behavior and set us both free.

Even the best alibi weavers can see when their audience is less than convinced. He knew he was one broken promise away from being homeless. I was done being punished for believing. He finally "got it"!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't say that I haven't eaten any cotton candy since then, but I can say that it will never become my primary diet again. Rose colored glasses cannot ever become a refuge... it is what it is... change it... accept it... or fuck it. Try when you can to make more amends than excuses. When words escape you, do something to say more than any words could. And as always... think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!  

  

PUMP THE BRAKES

Today's Quote:
For fast acting relief, try slowing down.
Lily Tomlin

Life isn't a race where the first over the finish line is "the winner." If it were, I'd still do my best to be nearest to the back of the pack as I could manage without standing still. I wouldn't be focused on the finish line, as if nothing else existed. While traveling, I'd be soaking up the sights... breathing as deeply as possible... and paying some kind of homage to the ending of one phase, before beginning the next. 

Many of us rush as if our final destination is the only thing of any value, and miss the importance of getting there. We sit at red lights or stand in lines as if that is some sort of punishment. Being forced to take turns in an orderly fashion wads some of us up. I never mind the pauses, unless the person behind me is impatient. I don't reward bad behavior by increasing my speed to accommodate any inflated ego that's pushing against my backside. The urge to slow down out of spite comes and goes. I smile and keep my steady pace.

The minute you allow any negative person or emotion to dictate your actions they are the master. I've learned from past experience that when there is a true master, other than me, then my role is slave. Been there.... done that.... the shirt got wayyyyy too tight. I spend my time now learning to master myself.

I gave up the race to please others at any cost. I pumped my brakes. I learned to value my feelings. I learned to protect my soul. And I'm still learning. Slowing to a speed that didn't make me dizzy solved a lot of my problems. I view any pause between tasks as a reward, not a punishment.

Patience is a virtue I have in abundance... one of the very few that I possess. I learned it the hard way. I came to understand that the most brutal lessons leave the best rewards behind. Most of my major mistakes came from rushing into things. The fact that I was also rushing from something doesn't change facts.

Two wrongs don't ever make anything right. One prison is pretty much like any other. With me the jailers changed, but I remained a prisoner until I set myself free. And staying free is my only stationary destination nowadays. Traveling too fast could get me caught up in the flow of traffic and lead me places I never wanted to be. Leaving room to adjust to changing situations is what keeps me safe from major pile ups.

Slow down... pump the brakes... smell the roses... and place as much value on where you're at as given to any hoped for destination. Destinations come and go; our only guaranteed position is the moment to moment ones along the way. Treasure them, or they might as well not have occurred at all. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride... then decide!!!!

ONE DEGREE AT A TIME

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"If you want to sail your ship in a different direction, you must turn one degree at a time."Brian Tracy

Every change in direction demands some sort of alteration in the way we steer. The best way to accomplish that with the least amount of stress is one degree at a time. Measured changes have a much better chance of success than anything done too quickly or for the wrong reason.


Sometimes we fight against reality. Things that should be different may depend upon the honesty of someone else. Facing the truth happens a degree at a time... some people simply cannot be trusted. If you're not doing the damage then nothing you do will make it any better. And the fault isn't yours to carry.


Coming to terms with the difference between what you deserve and what you have is a slow battle between head and heart. The most important thing to remember during that war is to keep your soul safe. Do whatever is best for your safety and sanity. Karma will deal with the rest. Stepping off the battlefield holds no shame if it's a war that cannot be won.


One tiny twist followed by another in a measured streams will eventually turn even the largest vessel in the opposite direction. And human beings can turn things around in the same fashion. One degree at a time is always just the right speed. Fast enough to keep a steady pace forward, yet slow enough for any necessary attitude adjustments.


Growing pains come in all different shapes and sizes. It isn't what you carry, it's how you carry it that matters most. See the hard things as tests you must pass to step up another degree. The thought of such a reward for all the bull-shit makes it worthy of our time and effort. Learn what you're made of... one degree at a time... and as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

WHERE YOU END UP

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up somewhere else".... Yogi Bera

Simply put quotes make what I do so much easier. Life is all about movement. From birth onward we are students in the art of motion. Once we gain an upright position and master our feet, the real education begins. Destinations are limited. Boundaries are numerous. And escape is often the only real driving force powering little feet.

We learn quickly what's hot and what's not. We explore endlessly, always with an eye toward flight. We grow and hands that once held tightly, loosen their grip. We mature and become master of our destination. Some of us rotate happily for a lifetime in a very limited space. Some of us soar well beyond the familiar boundaries set by birth. And some hunger for far off places, yet never try to fly. 

Being master of where you are isn't guaranteed. What begins as a birthright is too often traded, rented, or sold for all the wrong reasons, to someone unworthy of the honor. We don't always place proper value on ourselves. The "caught up in the moment" can change into a hot and tragic mess in the blink of an eye.

The trick is to not view any negative location as your final destination. Never be satisfied to live a whole lifetime in a mean and dirty place. Where you are is only temporary, unless it's where you're happy to be. Whatever power you gave away can be reclaimed any time you choose.

If you don't steer yourself you'll end up wherever chance deposits you. And any gust of wind will have more power over what happens to you than you do yourself. Don't be satisfied to be just a wind-drifter. Don't let any misfortune be simply an accident of location. Don't willingly be in the wrong place at the right time. Drive yourself, or be forever driven by one slave driver or another. And as always.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

OUR WORST ENEMY

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.".... Helen Keller

Self-pity is simply sorrow felt about our own suffering. It's impotent agony. It's a door that leads us deeper into the shadows. It's often used as an excuse for acting out. It's a maze of negative emotions, with no escape. Most times it's totally self-indulgent, but it's always self-destructive. It's a weakness that inspires more weakness. When life knocks you down, self-pity will keep you prone.

And it repels our peers, who like to think they'd do a much better job of coping. "Poor me" is a very unattractive pose, akin to total surrender in both intent and effect. Other people hesitate to offer any real comfort, thinking that to do so would only encourage more self-serving sorrow. Feeling sympathy for someone who has locked themselves inside a prison of, "why me" is difficult. A true friend will shake you hard, hug you tight, and ask softly, "why not you."

Bad stuff happens to everyone. Tragedy isn't reserved just for the wicked. Pain isn't only dealt to the evil among us. People will disappoint you. Diseases may afflict even the pure at heart. Love can end for even the most lovable. Whatever the sorrow, which of us gets stuck with some kind of hurt is open to us all. Face the pain, allow it to hurt, then readjust and move past it.

Wasted breath asking, "WHY ME?" can be better used drawing in strength for whatever comes next. And trust me... something will certainly come. Either you or the situation will overcome. Why be a willing victim? Sorrow is stressful. Stress kills. Self-pity will dig a grave, for anyone who holds onto it for long enough.

If you feel the need to indulge in a pity party never be the guest of honor. Invest it in someone else. Let it move you to ease their sorrow and be worthy of the ache. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can always govern our reaction. Think about it.... let it grow.... then YOU decide!!!!

Wrinkle Control

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.".... Groucho Marx, 1890-1977, American Comedian

Aging takes no special talent, just hang out and it'll happen eventually. Agelessness is an art form, but simple aging is little more inspired than any other habit. Spirit age seems the real decider, because numbers upon paper say nothing about us worth hearing.

Be as young as you're able and no older than you must... that's my chosen plan of action, as well as very sound advice. Give to life only the price demanded and not even one wrinkle more. Trust me if you live long enough you'll have a fair share. Refuse to donate any face-space for wadding up when you can avoid it.

Remembering a few simple facts can cut down on the deep creases dug by any heartache. A broken heart mends much easier than a broken spirit. Chest wounds are inevitable, but a crushed soul only occurs if its master allows the pressure. Face facts. It is what it is. A wish will never change truth, no matter how pure its intention.

Make peace with reality. Know the difference between what is real and what is simply hoped for. When seen clearly it can be dealt with in the same fashion. The truth may cause a much deeper injury to the heart, but the soul will be safe. What is real from your point-of-view is your reality.

Each person sees from a different vantage point. Always place more trust in actions than in any words spoken. Deceitful facts can be easily hidden behind pretty lyrics we need to hear. Love may be unconditional, but trust needs proving. Never invest more faith in others than you spend upon yourself.

Life isn't always as it seems at first glance. What is visible to the masses often has little or nothing to do with our reality. Love isn't always as trouble free as it should be, or as equally balanced. Like the song say, "every point of refuge has its price."

And the price of paying too much is a face that shows the miles traveled in the lines traced there. Worry deposits more, yet gains nothing in return. Stress leaves its mark, as well. By taking a careful look at reality we can make decisions or adjustments that minimize the damage we suffer. Putting things into perspective creates better facial restoration than plastic surgery ever could. Keep your soul healthy and your face will age gracefully. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!

LOVE DEEPLY

TODAY'S QUOTE:
To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others....Anne-Sophie Swetchine, 1782-1857, Russian-French Writer

Love expands everything it touches. We all search for that magical rush of swelling heart and rushing blood. We all need that tender embrace... that island of comfort in the turbulent sea of life. It is the only location where we are truly safe from harm for however long we rest there.

Unconditional love is the cream of the crop. It stands strong and unshaken by any outside influence, and let's face it folks there are always outsiders... either people or situations all too ready to interfere. Loving deeply keeps the hounds at bay, and overlooks all the " shit happens" situations that are a part of every life cycle.

A healthy love is not harmed by ill health of either party. We are all prisoners inside the bodies we inhabit, control of its state is often not a possibility. The only burden that ever occurs is when the ill one questions their right to be loved. True love happens to us, it cannot be manufactured or turned on and off when times get rocky. The simple fact is that it becomes more tender at such times; if it is real and healthy it naturally gives whatever is warranted whenever need be... no questions asked... no doubts... no hesitation... no shit... truly!!!

An unhealthy love is a sickness as real as any other, seeping poison into your system at every turn. A love with an agenda is no love at all, costing more than it could ever be worth. One pays the price for a gem and gets colored glass in its place. Time always shows us our mistake, but the pain and scars are a steep price to pay for total disillusionment.

If you have the real deal, hang on with all your might. If you have an imitation, drop it like it's hot. The former will stand the test of time and overcome any obstacle. The later will crumble under your feet at the smallest bump in the road. Love real, love large, love deep and no matter what your situation you will be rich beyond compare. And as always... think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!

Charred Remains

TODAY'S QUOTE:
"People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.".... Abigail Van Buren

This quote is a very clever warning against using tit for tat tactics as the pattern for living, unless drama is your chosen destination. Giving as good as you get can be an endless equation that solves no problem that I have ever faced... in fact knee-jerking into revenge mode only makes matters worse.

When someone is out of control, how can joining them do anything but harm. Payback is addicting... they do this... you do that... over and over, changing nothing but the intensity of damage on both sides. A spark becomes a mighty inferno, and afterward all anyone has is charred remains. If payment in life feels necessary, try paying a kindness forward... and leave the payback for all negatives to a higher power. 

If someone does you ill it does not help any to stoop to their level. Leave the offender to the fate of karma and walk away the bigger man, with nothing to excuse in your own behavior. A higher power can dish out better punishment than you could ever dream up. When is the last time you made it rain for 40 days and nights? Take comfort from that and rise above the bull-shit. Why don't you.... think about it.... let it ride.... then decide!!!!

The following link was given to me by a very dear friend. I see it as a shinning example of time well spent making the world a better place. With two arms and a cardboard sign, he changed the world he lives in... and we all have the capability, but too few have the urge.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

What Kind Of Animal?

TODAY'S QUOTE:
It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life."... Sister Elizabeth Kenny

This quote made me laugh. The vast difference between animals may seem too far of a stretch, but take my word for it, the distance is do-able. Speaking as a former sheep, when you hit that one last thing that wads up your soul, a mighty roar is just a deep breath away. And I found that once you go cat there is just no going back. But you can keep some of the gentle qualities of a sheep, combining them with the best defensive abilities of the feline, and evolve into your own special breed.

I'm gentle by nature, and the transformation into a state that is so far from my comfort zone can be overwhelming to say the least. When the alternative is to hold it inside and vibrate in silence the scale always tips in the cats direction. Holding things in is always a mistake. Speaking with authority, making a point that can be understood, or laying out your limits is best done before your point of total transformation. It's simply easier for others to compromise if they aren't faced with the fight or flight option.

Be a lion when need be, and something softer when defense isn't necessary. I know how to be a bitch, but if I was constantly making use of that, it would quickly lose its power. The roar is very valuable for getting the attention of the hard of hearing or the hard headed, but once they're listening a whisper is better heard than a volume that offends the senses. If your point is valid and your position solid, that will be enough to get others to admit you're the master of the 3 feet of personal space that belong to you. If reason doesn't work then rage will accomplish nothing of lasting value. If nothing changes, moving on is an option that a sheep wouldn't do more than contemplate, but a lion certainly has the nerve to relocate.

Trying to keep it all in perspective isn't always as simple as it should be. You may think that you've reached a perfect balance between gentle and fierce, until some jackass kicks the sheep without warning or reason... and the lion takes control. At such times, try to remember not to overeat... consuming too much asshole can leave you with a very bad taste in your mouth. Think about it... let it ride... then YOU decide!!!