The Power of Forgiveness

Once one second ticks into the next it becomes a forever over moment. The outcome cannot be altered by keeping it within sight, but focusing on yesterday can definitely steal today and limit every single tomorrow. Dwelling upon any event that cannot be changed anchors us to the exact point of its origin, and the more desperately we grasp the harder it is to let go.

The urge for validation often gets in the way of forgiveness. Things better left alone are picked to pieces for the sake of being right. Sometimes we fight over things not worth the effort then hold grudges like they are winning lottery tickets and show them to anyone who even looks in our direction. Dwelling on it becomes the moving force in our lives, and destroys all healthy tissue in its path.

On my fortieth birthday I had an awakening that changed and enriched my lift to limits not even imagined. My exact thoughts were… forty more years of this… then the nursing home… then the cemetery…. I DON’T THINK SOOOOO!!!!! I stood up, not violently in spite, but determined to reclaim a self I had never even met. I had spent my whole life just trying to fit into patterns first drawn by my parents then by my husband. I had no real knowledge of who the hell I was, but I dug deep and finally found my core.

The things that wound us also make us stronger. Overcoming obstacles demands a strength that has to be reached for; nothing comes automatically during that painful process. Limitations are most often times self-applied and they can only be removed in the same fashion. Determination to get past the past is the sharpest tool we have for digging our way out of any hole we find ourselves trapped inside of and the amount of muscle applied determines just how long we remain stuck in a prison of our own construction.

It is sometimes brutal to be in charge of such things; it is so much easier to blame others for our issues than it is to take responsibility ourselves and do something to change our reality. We may like to use the blame game to gain sympathy or assign guilt, but in the end it always rests on our own doorstep. I would much rather climb a mountain barefooted than simply stand at its base with a rock in my shoe and whine about a blister that is stopping me from taking any steps at all.

Looking backward never would have gotten me ahead once its lessons were truly learned. Living every moment to its fullest was the only way to give real honor to whatever strength was fairly earned from whatever came before the then and there. Blame is a poison that leaves a trail of bitterness and makes us old long before our time. I could never have gotten to a forgiving point if I had not laid the blame down and walked away.

To me it just did not matter who was at fault for the past once I decided to change the present and build a better future. Others might have been to blame for the things they did to me, but I was at fault for whatever weight I measured their offences with and the distance it was willingly carried.

Life is mostly what we make of it, no matter how hopeless it may seem sometimes. Energy is something that can be directed, and using it to point fingers just leaves less for more important issues. Acting the eternal victim is a role that gives the wounding the lead position. Building a monument to a wrong seems such a wasted use of limited space. And none of us are blame-free, no matter how much we would like to think otherwise.

A bud that never opens is a flower never seen. We are born in full bloom, but living often constricts us into a life long bud state. Our true colors remain hidden, even from ourselves. And the garden where even one flower refuses to bloom is made less beautiful than it was meant to be. The process of unclenching your bud can feel like breathing glass… but once one petal unfolds a bit, all others struggle to follow. There is no half way point with blooming; we either stay wadded tight or open completely and the choice is always up to us to make.

I forgive… it takes time sometimes and effort always, yet I have found that to withhold forgiveness means I have to willingly embrace the negative emotions that blame inspires. I would have to build a fire under them to keep their intensity constant or add fuel to allow it to boil over. And exploding once is not always enough to guarantee an end to it. Holding it close and reheating it seems too much trouble for something that makes me feel so dreadful.

We all have baggage, but what is packed within is truly in our power to regulate. I saw the debris in my trunk and carefully sorted it with grim determination to free myself from a load that was much too heavy to carry for a lifetime. I gently returned every item that I had not placed there myself to their rightful owners. After other peoples’ garbage was safely removed I examined what was truly mine and found that most of it was trash too. What did not apply I tossed; once that was accomplished I had a lot of space to fill, and packing it has been a pure delight.

The relationship I have now is unlike any I have ever known, and my joy in it is magnified by every ounce of agony involved in reaching its safe shore. We are not perfect people, by any stretch of the imagination, but we are perfect for each other. We both possess scares, healed now by time and change of attitude. Without my exercise of total forgiveness and my exorcism of past demons I would have nothing of value left to invest in this treasure. If I had been intent on looking backward I would never have seen this diamond in the dust on the path that led me here.

An unlimited future is… the real power of forgiveness. We must grasp it with both hands so letting go of the past is the only way to achieve complete success; true happiness deserves our full attention and the future our complete dedication. Think about it… let it ride… then decide!!!