I'D RATHER BE

TODAY'S QUOTE:
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not - Kurt Cobain

Being brave enough to show your true colors, no matter their hue, is a battle for each of us. The fact that we are constantly changing makes it all the more difficult. Our labels constrict us into a pattern as old as time, yet all too often say very little about who we really are at any given moment. And if we live for labels alone we cannot really live fully.

Our roles are important, but our souls peace matters just as much or more. The fact that others have a fixed idea of what we should say and do to make them happy can cause a real tug-of-war. When we can't live up to their expectations their love becomes conditional.The role becomes a punishment of one sort or another and everyone loses. When someone condemns you for not being who they need you to be it's more than unfair... it's soul crushing.

I've been let down by my parents. I've been wadded up by a mate. I've suffered the same fate by many of my fellowman and relatives. Most never ever bothered to know me past my labels which were tarnished by the very one's who were in roles where their love was ideally suppose to be unconditional. They shared notes with others, dooming me to be misunderstood by many. I had no guide... so I learned to not require one.

I'm who I am now due to the neglect of others and my own need to measure up to who I am inside, without caring overmuch what others think. I'm flawed for sure... mistakes litter my past... but clarity is my reality... and peace is my future. I didn't get here by trying to be who I'm not; my failure at that lasted long enough to teach me real love never comes from that direction. I hold no grudges. I forgive all with not a speck of resentment... even myself.

There never was a person who cared more about being loved than me. But over and over the price I was charged bankrupted my soul. I still care, but I know now that if others do not, "get" me it's not because I'm not worthy. Who we are changes daily sometimes. Thank you to all who have been there for me during my biggest metamorphosis and were steadfast in their regard all along.

Be whoever you truly are from start to finish and you'll never have any misunderstandings. If the roles given suit you then play them for all they're worth. If unconditional love surrounds you then thank your lucky stars... if not then learn to love yourself without boundaries. What we can't get from others we can and should gift ourselves. And never change for anyone... and never stop changing for yourself. Think about it... let it ride... then decide!!!