What a week this has been. I was chugging right along, meeting all obligations, to WPA and myself. Then the sudden stop of that fall put me back in the, "I feel better in flannel" kinda mood. Sore here, sore there... aching too bad to give a fig, for several days. I didn't waste the time though.
I continued to reclaim our home and return my soulmate to a time when sickness didn't rule our every move. I just did it in flannel and his jacket that wears like a hug. Our love never changed, even as we did, and it lives on. Simply put... he wasn't his illness, so its shadow doesn't belong. Laughter echoes here and joy abounds still. I heal with each step I take to return myself to a place where I can recognize who I once was reflected in the woman of added depth that my reality will force me to become.
I don't ever wonder how much I can take, but Lord, I'm not in any rush to find my final breaking point. I never asked God, "Why me?". I have from time to time pointed out that maybe He was overestimating my strength. I have gently inquired if all the things I've overcome, out lived, out smarted, or losses I've suffered during my lifetime were tests... surely I've passed by now. I've very often praised Him for the faith placed in my ability. But blame... nope, not even once!
So this was a mighty pop quiz, and every step I've taken in my lifetime led to this moment. The bad as well as the good prepared me for this reality. So by 8am this morning I was up, dressed, hair done, make up on, and for just a moment I could see an old fire in my eyes. That was enough to make me know that whatever the cost... I got this. I'm sitting in the palm of God's mighty hand, and if He's behind me nothing on earth can keep me from thriving in this home so full of joy.
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